moved to Latvia and was named President
Thursday, May 31, 2007
Dr. Valdis Zatlers -- President of Latvia
After retiring from his nightclub act, Heino
moved to Latvia and was named President
moved to Latvia and was named President
Monday, May 14, 2007
Dabbling in the Black Arts
Beans, beans the musical fruit,
The more you eat the more you toot.
The more you toot, the better you feel,
So let's eat beans for every meal.
Whilst Dougie and the Roadies follow the Bronx Bombers to Tropicana Field in Tampa, Sinister things are brewing back at the apartment in New York. Clubthumper Eddie and Strawberry Blonde Brenda are visited Louis, a rather tall psychic. Louis offers to take a Tarot reading of Eddie & Bren. Brenda seems open to the idea, but Eddie is apprehensive. Louis The Psychic has a special deck of Tarot cards, with ballplayers and baseball images on the faces, and he does a modified Tarot reading, laying the cards out in a "Baseball" diamond pattern. Strawberry Blonde Brenda's reading culminates in drawing the "Death" card -- but serendipitously it is uniform #13, which is A-Rod's and Brenda's number. Fortunately the card is inverted, which is actually a good omen. Eddie reckons his reading to be "90% false" and is very skeptical about the whole exercise. This guy should be on the Bunco squad! Alas, for all those folks out there who believe in the supernatural and Tarot readings, Clubthumper Eddie has a message for you: "People who go to psychics are the people I think are mentally weak."
The Bad Mojo that plagued the Homeys in the first series up in Boston has followed Dougy to Florida. In the opener, Kei Igawa got hit hard and early, and the Yanks lost 10-8. It was "Cowbell Night," something that annoyed Muggs to no end. So annoyed was he that he declared it "the worst promotion since syringe night." The Yankees would also drop the second game on the following night by a score of 6-4 as Mike Myers gave up a Grand Slam.
While enjoying sunny Florida, Indio, Shelli, Justin and Dougy take in some outdoor sports. In a **Shameless Product Placement** the crew does some water-skiing at the McCormick Waterski & Wakeboard School. Under the tutelage of owner/operator Mike McCormick, the gang has some fun in the sun.
Back in New York, Eddie finally figures out that he should be trying to help Brenda, instead of criticising her. He takes her out to "The Cage" in Queens, where he coaches kids in the art of hitting. Strawberry Blonde Brenda is set up in a batting cage, and takes swing after swing. Eddie kinda stares at her, ogling her boobs for quite some time before offering some tips. Eventually he gets one of his buds to film her as she swings. Contrary to the previous episode, where Clubthumper had difficulty operating a point-and-shoot camera, he seems comfy around technology in copying film to disc and then playing it back in slo-mo. There, he compares Strawberry Blonde Brenda's swing to that of A-Rod. By the end of the segment, Brenda is making consistent contact with the ball.
Upon their return, the Tampa crew is reunited with the home-bound Homeys. As a surprise, all six get to go to the next two home games together. Fittingly, the first game versus the Toronto Blue Jays is rained out.
This episode, it only takes about 15 minutes before we get our first sighting of Michelle Beadle. She brings the Trippers out to the Rocking Horse Ranch Resort in Hastings, NY (near Poughkeepsie). In a sweet Southern accent, the Texas native explains the rules to the Trippers, who are clad in chaps and cowboy hats. There are to be 3 separate challenges for tickets for each of the next 3 games versus the Red Sox on the line.
The first challenge is "Ticket in a Haystack." One member from each side will wade into a seriously big haystack to search for an envelope containing the tickets -- Strawberry Blonde Brenda for the Homeys, and CaliGrrl for the Roadies. Shelli digs out the winning ticket for the Roadies.
The next challenge is the "Bean Eatin' Bonanza." In it, Muggs squares off against Conan The Librarian at a picnic table. Each has their hands tied behind their back, and must eat a pound of beans without use of utensils -- they have to lean in and stick their face on a plate full of beans. Dougy gets green around the gills pretty quickly, but Muggs makes like a human vaccum, slurping the beans with reckless abandon as he snags another round for the Roadies.
The final challenge is the Main Event that URT fans have been waiting for -- a showdown between Clubthumper Eddie and Estibador Indio. It is a physical challenge, The Heavyweight Horseshoe Scramble" wherein each has to move a pile of 100 horseshoes from homeplate to a wheelbarrow at 2nd base. The horseshoes are big heavy and cumbersome, and both Estibador and Clubthumper drop a few along the way. Just when it looks like Eddie has salvaged a win for the Homeys, it is discovered that he left one horseshoe in the dust back at home. Indio, who had the presence of mind to keep going ends up completing the sweep for the Roadies.
That evening, the six go to the Stadium to witness the Major League debut of highly touted 20-year-old rookie Phil "The Savior" Hughes. Hughes does not do horribly, but the night belonged to A.J. Burnett, who mastered the Yankee lineup as the Jays won 6-0. Muggs "serenades" the gang with the by-product of his victory in the Bean Eating Bonanza, proving the adage that Beans are indeed a Musical Fruit.
The following day, all 6 head for the Stadium, but only the Roadies can attend the game. The Homeys hang out at Billy's Bar just outside. The Yankees would lose to the Sox, and drop their 7th game in a row. It is the first time during this particular losing streak that a Homey is NOT present for the game, but their close proximity to the field should be taken into account for this. Yankee starter Jeff Karstens takes a line drive to the shin early on. The kid managed to get back up and throw another pitch to the next batter, but it turns out that his leg is broken. Gotta say, though, that Karstens has guts.
Following the game, the Trippers reunite outside the Stadium, where Cotton Candy Calvin presents them with their next clue. They are to go to "The Oldest Winery in America." This, for those who are not versed in the Lush Arts, is the Brotherhood Winery in Washingtonville, NY. After an informative tour, where Justin nearly upstaged the charismatic guide with his extensive knowledge of wine. Muggs does work in a bar, y'know, and actually studied food and beverage / restaurant management at some sort of institute of higher learning. A scholar and a beaneater, that one.
Babealicious Beadle tempts with tix for Texas. The Trippers go for broke in the Grape Stomp Challenge. Two trippers must stomp the grapes in a barrel, and one "runner" must gather the resulting juice in a ladle and run it some 25 yards to a bottle that must be filled. The Roadies choose Justin to be the runner, due to his restaurant experience and steady hands. Indio and CaliGrrl are to stomp the grapes. This sort of reminds me of the classic "I Love Lucy" episode where our favorite redhead goes to Italy and similarly wants to stomp the grapes. The vintners enthusiastically point to her (in Italian) comment "look at those feet -- big like pizza pies!" Poor Shelli -- URT fans will no doubt be curious as to the size of her trotters from here on in. The Homeys originally decide to have Eddie and Dougy stomp the grapes, but because the task involves running, they decide it would be better if Strawberry Blonde Brenda stayed in the wine barrel.
Beadle starts things off with an airhorn. She sure knows how to handle a horn, allright. I am overcome with joy when I see that blonde vixen with a horn. You could even say that it is a horny experience. Anyways, Muggs jumps out to a big lead. Conan the Librarian scoops what he can with his ladle, where Muggs skims the juice. Also, Justin manipulates the filter over the bottle to squeeze more juice from wayward grapes. Eventually he pushes the filter right into the bottle, which briefly halts the competition. They lose the filters for the remainder of the race, but its too little too late for Dougy, as the Roadies take it.
At this point, the YES network lists the standings as Indio 12, Justin 12, Shelli 14, Brenda 15, Dougy 14 and Eddie 11.
The more you eat the more you toot.
The more you toot, the better you feel,
So let's eat beans for every meal.
Whilst Dougie and the Roadies follow the Bronx Bombers to Tropicana Field in Tampa, Sinister things are brewing back at the apartment in New York. Clubthumper Eddie and Strawberry Blonde Brenda are visited Louis, a rather tall psychic. Louis offers to take a Tarot reading of Eddie & Bren. Brenda seems open to the idea, but Eddie is apprehensive. Louis The Psychic has a special deck of Tarot cards, with ballplayers and baseball images on the faces, and he does a modified Tarot reading, laying the cards out in a "Baseball" diamond pattern. Strawberry Blonde Brenda's reading culminates in drawing the "Death" card -- but serendipitously it is uniform #13, which is A-Rod's and Brenda's number. Fortunately the card is inverted, which is actually a good omen. Eddie reckons his reading to be "90% false" and is very skeptical about the whole exercise. This guy should be on the Bunco squad! Alas, for all those folks out there who believe in the supernatural and Tarot readings, Clubthumper Eddie has a message for you: "People who go to psychics are the people I think are mentally weak."
The Bad Mojo that plagued the Homeys in the first series up in Boston has followed Dougy to Florida. In the opener, Kei Igawa got hit hard and early, and the Yanks lost 10-8. It was "Cowbell Night," something that annoyed Muggs to no end. So annoyed was he that he declared it "the worst promotion since syringe night." The Yankees would also drop the second game on the following night by a score of 6-4 as Mike Myers gave up a Grand Slam.
While enjoying sunny Florida, Indio, Shelli, Justin and Dougy take in some outdoor sports. In a **Shameless Product Placement** the crew does some water-skiing at the McCormick Waterski & Wakeboard School. Under the tutelage of owner/operator Mike McCormick, the gang has some fun in the sun.
Back in New York, Eddie finally figures out that he should be trying to help Brenda, instead of criticising her. He takes her out to "The Cage" in Queens, where he coaches kids in the art of hitting. Strawberry Blonde Brenda is set up in a batting cage, and takes swing after swing. Eddie kinda stares at her, ogling her boobs for quite some time before offering some tips. Eventually he gets one of his buds to film her as she swings. Contrary to the previous episode, where Clubthumper had difficulty operating a point-and-shoot camera, he seems comfy around technology in copying film to disc and then playing it back in slo-mo. There, he compares Strawberry Blonde Brenda's swing to that of A-Rod. By the end of the segment, Brenda is making consistent contact with the ball.
Upon their return, the Tampa crew is reunited with the home-bound Homeys. As a surprise, all six get to go to the next two home games together. Fittingly, the first game versus the Toronto Blue Jays is rained out.
This episode, it only takes about 15 minutes before we get our first sighting of Michelle Beadle. She brings the Trippers out to the Rocking Horse Ranch Resort in Hastings, NY (near Poughkeepsie). In a sweet Southern accent, the Texas native explains the rules to the Trippers, who are clad in chaps and cowboy hats. There are to be 3 separate challenges for tickets for each of the next 3 games versus the Red Sox on the line.
The first challenge is "Ticket in a Haystack." One member from each side will wade into a seriously big haystack to search for an envelope containing the tickets -- Strawberry Blonde Brenda for the Homeys, and CaliGrrl for the Roadies. Shelli digs out the winning ticket for the Roadies.
The next challenge is the "Bean Eatin' Bonanza." In it, Muggs squares off against Conan The Librarian at a picnic table. Each has their hands tied behind their back, and must eat a pound of beans without use of utensils -- they have to lean in and stick their face on a plate full of beans. Dougy gets green around the gills pretty quickly, but Muggs makes like a human vaccum, slurping the beans with reckless abandon as he snags another round for the Roadies.
The final challenge is the Main Event that URT fans have been waiting for -- a showdown between Clubthumper Eddie and Estibador Indio. It is a physical challenge, The Heavyweight Horseshoe Scramble" wherein each has to move a pile of 100 horseshoes from homeplate to a wheelbarrow at 2nd base. The horseshoes are big heavy and cumbersome, and both Estibador and Clubthumper drop a few along the way. Just when it looks like Eddie has salvaged a win for the Homeys, it is discovered that he left one horseshoe in the dust back at home. Indio, who had the presence of mind to keep going ends up completing the sweep for the Roadies.
That evening, the six go to the Stadium to witness the Major League debut of highly touted 20-year-old rookie Phil "The Savior" Hughes. Hughes does not do horribly, but the night belonged to A.J. Burnett, who mastered the Yankee lineup as the Jays won 6-0. Muggs "serenades" the gang with the by-product of his victory in the Bean Eating Bonanza, proving the adage that Beans are indeed a Musical Fruit.
The following day, all 6 head for the Stadium, but only the Roadies can attend the game. The Homeys hang out at Billy's Bar just outside. The Yankees would lose to the Sox, and drop their 7th game in a row. It is the first time during this particular losing streak that a Homey is NOT present for the game, but their close proximity to the field should be taken into account for this. Yankee starter Jeff Karstens takes a line drive to the shin early on. The kid managed to get back up and throw another pitch to the next batter, but it turns out that his leg is broken. Gotta say, though, that Karstens has guts.
Following the game, the Trippers reunite outside the Stadium, where Cotton Candy Calvin presents them with their next clue. They are to go to "The Oldest Winery in America." This, for those who are not versed in the Lush Arts, is the Brotherhood Winery in Washingtonville, NY. After an informative tour, where Justin nearly upstaged the charismatic guide with his extensive knowledge of wine. Muggs does work in a bar, y'know, and actually studied food and beverage / restaurant management at some sort of institute of higher learning. A scholar and a beaneater, that one.
Babealicious Beadle tempts with tix for Texas. The Trippers go for broke in the Grape Stomp Challenge. Two trippers must stomp the grapes in a barrel, and one "runner" must gather the resulting juice in a ladle and run it some 25 yards to a bottle that must be filled. The Roadies choose Justin to be the runner, due to his restaurant experience and steady hands. Indio and CaliGrrl are to stomp the grapes. This sort of reminds me of the classic "I Love Lucy" episode where our favorite redhead goes to Italy and similarly wants to stomp the grapes. The vintners enthusiastically point to her (in Italian) comment "look at those feet -- big like pizza pies!" Poor Shelli -- URT fans will no doubt be curious as to the size of her trotters from here on in. The Homeys originally decide to have Eddie and Dougy stomp the grapes, but because the task involves running, they decide it would be better if Strawberry Blonde Brenda stayed in the wine barrel.
Beadle starts things off with an airhorn. She sure knows how to handle a horn, allright. I am overcome with joy when I see that blonde vixen with a horn. You could even say that it is a horny experience. Anyways, Muggs jumps out to a big lead. Conan the Librarian scoops what he can with his ladle, where Muggs skims the juice. Also, Justin manipulates the filter over the bottle to squeeze more juice from wayward grapes. Eventually he pushes the filter right into the bottle, which briefly halts the competition. They lose the filters for the remainder of the race, but its too little too late for Dougy, as the Roadies take it.
At this point, the YES network lists the standings as Indio 12, Justin 12, Shelli 14, Brenda 15, Dougy 14 and Eddie 11.
Monday, May 7, 2007
A New England Yankee in King George's court...
Red Sawx fans were shocked, shocked, when two-time Super Bowl MVP Tom Brady two-timed them by daring to wear a New York Yankees cap in public. Brady, a Southern California native, has been a life-long Yankees fan. However, some folks up in Beantown seem to think that the New England Patriots quarterback has somehow betrayed them. Heh. Listen ... the guy plays football. FOOTBALL. Obviously his football allegiance has to be to the organization that pays him, and the team that plays alongside him. Wearing another football team's apparel would be a no-no. However, there is nothing unethical about him supporting whatever team he wants to in other sports. Just because he plays in Massachusetts does not mean he is locked into having to be a fan of the other area franchises. As a Giants fan, I could care less if, say, Jeremy Shockey decides to wear a Florida Marlins cap. Big whoop. He doesn't have to like the Yankees, or even the Mets. Brady has friends who have played for the Yankees, namely a fellow Michigan QB named Drew Henson. Brady is also pals with Derek Jeter and Alex Rodriguez. I don't blame him for showing support to his friends. For the New England sports fans that have thrown hate at Tom Brady for his Yankee loyalties -- that's just plain stupid. Sadly, no one ever said that Red Sox Nation was a rational place.
What was I drinking?
Actually, I had several this weekend (surprise surprise). Revisited JosephsBrau Brewing Co.'s Hopfest Pilsner, and it was still delightful. I am always keeping an eye out for India Pale Ales for my buddy Kārlis. Found a good one in Green Flash Brewing Co.'s West Coast I.P.A. It's made by a microbrewery out of San Diego, named for a curious phenomena of light produced by the setting sun. In the waning moments of the sun "setting" into the sea, the colors of the visible light spectrum cycle through, from Red to Orange to Yellow, and then for the very briefest of moments Green before going to the blue "ultra-violet" end of the spectrum. It is very rare to see the Green Flash, the weather conditions have to be just right, very clear. It's more often seen by sailors on ships at sea. But I'm not talkin' 'bout the colors, man! except for the reddish copper color of this west coast I.P.A. The first blast is a big hops flavor, and it sort of stings the tongue. There is a piney-nuttiness to it, with a citrus-like flavor. I had to go look it up, they use a combination of hops -- Simcoe for the "grapefruitness" and Centennial that gives it that pine-resin flavor. It's pretty bitter, so its not one to pound the night away with. The 7% ABV is nothing to sneeze at, but not quite the "rubber mallet," either. Following this up with a lager, or the forementioned Hopfest pilsner makes for a good eve of intelligent beer drinking.
La Fin Du Boycott de France
France, at last, appears to be returning to its senses. The Fifth Republic has chosen the son of a Hungarian immigrant to be its new President. Nicolas Sarkozy soundly defeated the Socialist candidate Segolene Royal, whose supporters promptly began rioting in the streets of Paris when they heard the news.
The election of Sarkozy is welcome news indeed, as it means that the nation of France has decided to show that it still has some backbone and has the will and the capacity to act civilized. In one week's time Jacques "The Weasel" Chirac will be relegated to the dustbin of history, and a new era of trans-atlantic cooperation will dawn for the people of France and the United States of America. "Sarko" is a progressive, forward-looking leader who promises fiscal responsibility and good old-fashioned conservative values -- something that has been conspicuously absent from the European continent. He pledges to renew the ties of friendship with the USA. While acknowledging that there will naturally be some disagreements among friends, there will be a reconciliation between the two societies. The road to rapprochement will not be easy. Mr. Sarkozy still has another election to face -- one that will decide the makeup of France's legislative body. It is not quite safe to count "the chickens before they hatch," but given the convincing victory attained by Nicolas Sarkozy, it is likely that the electorate will give him the mandate he needs to bring France back from the brink, and back to the path of righteousness.
It is high time to end the boycott of France, and to give Sarkozy and America's erstwhile enemies the chance to show that they are indeed friends again.
I will personally buy a bottle of Hennessey VSOP to toast Mr. Sarkozy into office on May 16th. French wines, while inferior to those found in my native New York state, will once again be welcome at my table. I may even indulge with some French Champagne on a night out (though I have yet to find one that delivers taste-for-value in the way that, say, Korbel can.) Heck, even French's mustard and French Vanilla Ice Cream can now safely be consumed. I will be sad to see "Freedom" Fries disappear from the menus, but such is the price we pay for détente.
The election of Sarkozy is welcome news indeed, as it means that the nation of France has decided to show that it still has some backbone and has the will and the capacity to act civilized. In one week's time Jacques "The Weasel" Chirac will be relegated to the dustbin of history, and a new era of trans-atlantic cooperation will dawn for the people of France and the United States of America. "Sarko" is a progressive, forward-looking leader who promises fiscal responsibility and good old-fashioned conservative values -- something that has been conspicuously absent from the European continent. He pledges to renew the ties of friendship with the USA. While acknowledging that there will naturally be some disagreements among friends, there will be a reconciliation between the two societies. The road to rapprochement will not be easy. Mr. Sarkozy still has another election to face -- one that will decide the makeup of France's legislative body. It is not quite safe to count "the chickens before they hatch," but given the convincing victory attained by Nicolas Sarkozy, it is likely that the electorate will give him the mandate he needs to bring France back from the brink, and back to the path of righteousness.
It is high time to end the boycott of France, and to give Sarkozy and America's erstwhile enemies the chance to show that they are indeed friends again.
I will personally buy a bottle of Hennessey VSOP to toast Mr. Sarkozy into office on May 16th. French wines, while inferior to those found in my native New York state, will once again be welcome at my table. I may even indulge with some French Champagne on a night out (though I have yet to find one that delivers taste-for-value in the way that, say, Korbel can.) Heck, even French's mustard and French Vanilla Ice Cream can now safely be consumed. I will be sad to see "Freedom" Fries disappear from the menus, but such is the price we pay for détente.
Friday, May 4, 2007
The Chain of Shame
New York Post sportswriter Mike Vaccaro devoted his "City Lights" column last Sunday to the best things about being a sports fan in New York. Of our favourite show he wrote: "YES' Ultimate road trip (is) proof that TV can be so bad it's impossible to turn off." Very prescient, Mr. Vaccaro!
This week's edition found the Homey's plus CaliGrrl Shelli flying home from the Oakland series. That girl sure has a set of lungs, as she hollers: "We're Ho-ome!" It can be heard well over the din of New York City traffic, much like a foghorn above a roaring sea. Upon arrival, the Trippers are presented with their next challenge, two from each team are to go to a gym for a training session. This was a pretty stupid challenge, as there were no tickets or prizes up for grabs. The menfolk went off for apparently no other reason than a cheap product placement for Premiere Martial Arts and trainer Luis Sevilla-Levy. The trainer comments on how well-conditioned the guys are, and much time is wasted watching the guys, exercise and spar. Indio "Estibador" squares off against Dougy, a.k.a. "Conan the Librarian", "Clubthumber" Eddie takes on Justin "Muggs" -- the palooka from Brooklyn versus the Irish bartender... there's a joke in there that practically writes itself. Clubthumper does some clowning around, flopping around on the mat like a fish out of water.
Were I running the show, I would have sent the guys out on their merry way, and kept the cameras on the girls alone in the apartment. Visions of "The Mother of All Pillowfights" dancing in my head, CaliGrrl and Strawberry Blonde Brenda in as skimpy attire as the standards of basic cable will allow -- toss in a generous helping of Beadle, and then you get the idea. But the show's producers go the other way, sweaty guys working out. I guess they needed to boost the ratings for the female demographics, or something.
The Homeys get to catch the Yankees at home versus the Cleveland Indians. Game 1 features a great pitching performance by rookie Chase Wright, and Jorge Posada's 200th career homerun. Rey Sepulveda from Season 1 is in the stands and drops by to say Hello to the gang in an all-too-brief cameo. It would be nice to see more of him and the other alumni -- hopefully the producers will have the Trippers out among the "Bleacher Creatures" and visit with Vinnie somewhere down the line. Game 2 is a big 9-2 win, replete with a plug for Matt Frost and his Sports Robes. The Yankees would complete the sweep the following day with a big come-from-behind rally with 2 out in the bottom of the ninth inning, capped by a 3-run walk-off homer from A-Rod.
What happens next is nothing less than the beginning of a bitter feud. The Homeys find an envelope in the car, indicating what the next challenge will be. Eddie impulsively opens it and begins reading, never bothering to examine the directions on the outside which clearly state: Do Not Open Without All Six. Technically, this should disqualify the Homeys from the competition, as they violate the rules. Strawberry Blonde Bren and Conan tell Clubthumper to put the clue back in the envelope, but Eddie thinks that rules are for suckers. Eddie wants to read the clue anyway, but the will of his teammates prevails. Back at the apartment, they read the clue together with the Roadies. Both teams will be heading to Boston for the much-anticipated series against the rival Red Sox. They are to report to the College of the Holy Cross in Worcester Mass. to participate in crew rowing competition.
On the long drive up to New England, Strawberry Blonde Brenda and Shelli chauffeur their respective teams. Inviting Bad Karma, Dougy and Eddie talk of sweeping the Sox, before falling asleep in their seats. In the Roadie car, Indio and Justin riff on "Beantown," with Muggs making some pointed remarks such as "You know you're in Bean-town when you hear that annoying accent."
Hard to believe but 1/3 of the show goes by before we get our first glimpse of Michelle Beadle. This is a travesty! Anyway, she explains that, in order to win the tickets for the three game set in Fenway Park, the teams have to race each other across Lake Quinsigamond. They first train in a pool with Crusaders' coaches Dave Ploss and Eddie Evans, who show them the basics, or as Dave jokes "which end of the oar goes in the water." On the lake, the teams take to the water, and each are assigned a "ringer." The Homeys get Al Monte, and the Roadies get Robert Schwab, who has dressed for the occasion in a Red Sox jersey. Each team is also assigned a girl "coxswain," (man... the jokes can practically write themselves here!) Elle Carolan for the Homeys, and Diane Imperato for the Roadies. Practice is not easy for either side, the Roadies end up in the drink, capsizing into the cold water. The Homeys have trouble getting in sync as a team, only Dougy seems to be getting the hang of it. Al The Ringer cooks up an insidious plan, and wherever there is a nefarious scheme brewing you can be sure that Clubthumper Eddie is in there stirring the pot. The Homeys strongest competitor, Conan the Librarian will row with Al The Ringer, while the other two just sit there with oars above water -- this plays to Eddie and Brenda's strengths as Deadweight and Ballast, respectively. This is the moral equivalent of taking steroids and then using a corked bat. The Homeys win the crooked contest, as Dougy and Al The Ringer get a good rhythm going.
I will digress a little here, as it is a shame that the viewers view of crew rowing is put in a bad light. Certainly the Homeys coxswain should have put a stop to the skullduggery (heh-- or perhaps it should be scull-duggery?) Rowing is actually a great sport with proud traditions. My college chum Maurice rowed for Georgetown and felt honored to participate in the great camaraderie and had much respect for opponents. Also, considering that some folks might regard a few of my witticisms as bordering on the misogynistic, I'd also like to give a shout out to women's collegiate athletics, which does not get much press. In particular I'd like to tell you about a young lady from Valmiera, Latvia (the home of my ancestors, btw) named Ligita Kaviere. Ligita is a five-time Latvian champion rower and won Gold in the double scull at the World Junior Rowing Championship. She is currently a junior at the University of Southern California, where she has made the All-America team and is co-captain of the Women's Rowing team. She is a remarkable young woman and along with her 40 teammates deserves much adulation and support. OK, I'll step off the soapbox now.
The Homeys antics does not go unnoticed by the Roadies. CaliGrrl starts in with congratulating the Homeys on their "teamwork." Indio berates Eddie and Brenda: "What, you didn't want to get wet?" Clubthumper Eddie defends the tactics, possibly coining the new BALCO company credo: "It's a strategy... It's not cheating!" A heated exchange ensues, where Estibador comments on what he perceives as Eddie's no-shows for the more physical challenges. Clubthumper tells Indio to "take it like a man." Estibador responds: "You talk the talk, you should walk the walk!" Clubthumper then denigrates the honor of the Bronx. Someone please tell Eddie that Mayor Bloomberg is not exactly rushing to rename the Brooklyn-Queens Expressway in Clubthumper's honor. Strawberry Blonde Brenda stands pat on the position that there were "no rules" in this challenge. Eddie then treats us to the benefit of his most profound wisdom: "You know what I learned? Life is not fair, deal with it." He takes a few more jabs at Indio, namely "I would never show up my team like that. To me that is un-sportsmanship." This coming from a guy that has talked smack about his team mates on several occasions already. Justin put things in perspective quite well, where he distanced himself from making the charge of "cheating," but instead added that the challenge was a "team event, about how well we can row -- not how well a guy from Holy Cross can row."
The lovely Michelle Beadle (is there any other kind?) deals out the tix. She also announces that the losers have a penalty -- The Chain of Shame. The Roadies are to go to the bar in Boston made famous by the TV show "Cheers." They are also handcuffed to a trio of Red Sox fans. Shelli is paired with Kim, a comely young lass who fills out a Red Sox tank top most nicely. Indio draws Bill, a college-age guy in a Red Sox sweatshirt, who wears his cap backwards. Honestly, this guy could fit right in as a part of the Ben Affleck/Matt Damon entourage. Muggs is chained to possibly the most outrageous Sox fan one has ever seen, a heavy-set scruffy guy named Mike. Mike has a big silly hat, a sox jersey opened up, revealing a big ol' beer gut with the Red Sox logo painted on. Truly a "larger-than-life" character. This irritates poor Muggs to no end. He riffs on Sox fans and his particular "partner:" "They are all obnoxious, most are fat and ugly, but this..." Despite much taunting Beer Gut Sox Guy does not rise to the bait, but gently receives the barbs, acknowledging that he is indeed fat and obnoxious. He seems a jolly guy, and would be fun to be around save for that unhealthy attachment to Red Sox Nation. Fortunatly, the Roadies torture lasts but the one night.
Bad Karma follows the Homeys, as the Yankees get swept. In the opener, they are up 6-2 in the 8th and collapse. Mariano gets hammered. The Sox wore green uniforms in honor of Red Auerbach. I'll not dwell on the rest of it. Just saying, that the Homeys' previous talk of a sweep before the series and their shameful antics in the rowing challenge brought bad juju to the Yankees.
Before leaving Massachusetts, the Trippers compete for the tickets to a two game set in Tampa versus the Devil Rays. They meet at a running track at a local high school, where they compete in a funky sort of marathon. They must complete 9 laps, a distance of 2.25 miles. There is a twist, however. For each lap they must pick up and carry a baseball, so that at the end they must carry all 9 balls with them. They cannot tuck the balls into a shirt or into pockets, they have to be carefully balanced and carried in the hands and arms. If they should drop one, they cannot pick it up -- the runners will forfeit a lap for every dropped ball. As Beadle sounds the horn, they go off. Conan the Librarian breaks into a sprint and opens up a huge lead. Brenda, who struggled with a running challenge in Episode 1 lags far behind the others. Justin and Eddie are about even. Dougy takes no chances and walks the final lap. The edit shows Shelli finishing next, as Muggs and Clubthumper match each other lap for lap. Eddie then quite literally drops the ball and incurs a penalty. This enables Justin to finish next, followed by Indio.
So its the Roadies + Conan The Librarian jetting off to Tampa, as Strawberry Blonde Brenda and Clubthumper take the long ride back to Manhattan. In an amusing segment, Eddie wants to play around with **Gratuitous Product Placement** the Everio digital video camera, but can't quite get the hang of it. Brenda actually has to pull over to show Eddie how to use a simple "point-and-shoot" camera! Back home, they are treated to another Gratuitous Product Placement, namely a pair of blue DreamSeat recliners, tastefully decorated with the interlocking NY logo. Eddie mugs it for the camera as he utters the slogan "DreamSeat recliners soften the blow when you can't make it to the game."
The updated standings are as such: Indio 6, Justin 6, Shelli 8, Brenda 14, Dougy 11, Eddie 10. I like that the YES network is now prominently showing us the tallies, as it was getting a little hard to keep track. I somehow had Brenda at 15 games, but if the YES network says 14, its 14. I have her at the two games for the home opener, one during the series vs the Baltimorons, three at Minnesota, Three in Oakland, three at home versus the Indians, and three at the disastrous Fenway series. Perhaps one of my fellow URT fans can point out the flaw in my reckoning. The Sly Robbie Index (SRI) has Strawberry Blonde Brenda at the most wins with 7 and also at the most losses 7 (possibly 8); The Yankees are a .500 club with the Roadies in attendance, and sadly that is as good as it gets. Clubthumper Eddie still the worst "date," with his bad karma percentage -- the Yankees lose 60% of the time he is in the stands.
This week's edition found the Homey's plus CaliGrrl Shelli flying home from the Oakland series. That girl sure has a set of lungs, as she hollers: "We're Ho-ome!" It can be heard well over the din of New York City traffic, much like a foghorn above a roaring sea. Upon arrival, the Trippers are presented with their next challenge, two from each team are to go to a gym for a training session. This was a pretty stupid challenge, as there were no tickets or prizes up for grabs. The menfolk went off for apparently no other reason than a cheap product placement for Premiere Martial Arts and trainer Luis Sevilla-Levy. The trainer comments on how well-conditioned the guys are, and much time is wasted watching the guys, exercise and spar. Indio "Estibador" squares off against Dougy, a.k.a. "Conan the Librarian", "Clubthumber" Eddie takes on Justin "Muggs" -- the palooka from Brooklyn versus the Irish bartender... there's a joke in there that practically writes itself. Clubthumper does some clowning around, flopping around on the mat like a fish out of water.
Were I running the show, I would have sent the guys out on their merry way, and kept the cameras on the girls alone in the apartment. Visions of "The Mother of All Pillowfights" dancing in my head, CaliGrrl and Strawberry Blonde Brenda in as skimpy attire as the standards of basic cable will allow -- toss in a generous helping of Beadle, and then you get the idea. But the show's producers go the other way, sweaty guys working out. I guess they needed to boost the ratings for the female demographics, or something.
The Homeys get to catch the Yankees at home versus the Cleveland Indians. Game 1 features a great pitching performance by rookie Chase Wright, and Jorge Posada's 200th career homerun. Rey Sepulveda from Season 1 is in the stands and drops by to say Hello to the gang in an all-too-brief cameo. It would be nice to see more of him and the other alumni -- hopefully the producers will have the Trippers out among the "Bleacher Creatures" and visit with Vinnie somewhere down the line. Game 2 is a big 9-2 win, replete with a plug for Matt Frost and his Sports Robes. The Yankees would complete the sweep the following day with a big come-from-behind rally with 2 out in the bottom of the ninth inning, capped by a 3-run walk-off homer from A-Rod.
What happens next is nothing less than the beginning of a bitter feud. The Homeys find an envelope in the car, indicating what the next challenge will be. Eddie impulsively opens it and begins reading, never bothering to examine the directions on the outside which clearly state: Do Not Open Without All Six. Technically, this should disqualify the Homeys from the competition, as they violate the rules. Strawberry Blonde Bren and Conan tell Clubthumper to put the clue back in the envelope, but Eddie thinks that rules are for suckers. Eddie wants to read the clue anyway, but the will of his teammates prevails. Back at the apartment, they read the clue together with the Roadies. Both teams will be heading to Boston for the much-anticipated series against the rival Red Sox. They are to report to the College of the Holy Cross in Worcester Mass. to participate in crew rowing competition.
On the long drive up to New England, Strawberry Blonde Brenda and Shelli chauffeur their respective teams. Inviting Bad Karma, Dougy and Eddie talk of sweeping the Sox, before falling asleep in their seats. In the Roadie car, Indio and Justin riff on "Beantown," with Muggs making some pointed remarks such as "You know you're in Bean-town when you hear that annoying accent."
Hard to believe but 1/3 of the show goes by before we get our first glimpse of Michelle Beadle. This is a travesty! Anyway, she explains that, in order to win the tickets for the three game set in Fenway Park, the teams have to race each other across Lake Quinsigamond. They first train in a pool with Crusaders' coaches Dave Ploss and Eddie Evans, who show them the basics, or as Dave jokes "which end of the oar goes in the water." On the lake, the teams take to the water, and each are assigned a "ringer." The Homeys get Al Monte, and the Roadies get Robert Schwab, who has dressed for the occasion in a Red Sox jersey. Each team is also assigned a girl "coxswain," (man... the jokes can practically write themselves here!) Elle Carolan for the Homeys, and Diane Imperato for the Roadies. Practice is not easy for either side, the Roadies end up in the drink, capsizing into the cold water. The Homeys have trouble getting in sync as a team, only Dougy seems to be getting the hang of it. Al The Ringer cooks up an insidious plan, and wherever there is a nefarious scheme brewing you can be sure that Clubthumper Eddie is in there stirring the pot. The Homeys strongest competitor, Conan the Librarian will row with Al The Ringer, while the other two just sit there with oars above water -- this plays to Eddie and Brenda's strengths as Deadweight and Ballast, respectively. This is the moral equivalent of taking steroids and then using a corked bat. The Homeys win the crooked contest, as Dougy and Al The Ringer get a good rhythm going.
I will digress a little here, as it is a shame that the viewers view of crew rowing is put in a bad light. Certainly the Homeys coxswain should have put a stop to the skullduggery (heh-- or perhaps it should be scull-duggery?) Rowing is actually a great sport with proud traditions. My college chum Maurice rowed for Georgetown and felt honored to participate in the great camaraderie and had much respect for opponents. Also, considering that some folks might regard a few of my witticisms as bordering on the misogynistic, I'd also like to give a shout out to women's collegiate athletics, which does not get much press. In particular I'd like to tell you about a young lady from Valmiera, Latvia (the home of my ancestors, btw) named Ligita Kaviere. Ligita is a five-time Latvian champion rower and won Gold in the double scull at the World Junior Rowing Championship. She is currently a junior at the University of Southern California, where she has made the All-America team and is co-captain of the Women's Rowing team. She is a remarkable young woman and along with her 40 teammates deserves much adulation and support. OK, I'll step off the soapbox now.The Homeys antics does not go unnoticed by the Roadies. CaliGrrl starts in with congratulating the Homeys on their "teamwork." Indio berates Eddie and Brenda: "What, you didn't want to get wet?" Clubthumper Eddie defends the tactics, possibly coining the new BALCO company credo: "It's a strategy... It's not cheating!" A heated exchange ensues, where Estibador comments on what he perceives as Eddie's no-shows for the more physical challenges. Clubthumper tells Indio to "take it like a man." Estibador responds: "You talk the talk, you should walk the walk!" Clubthumper then denigrates the honor of the Bronx. Someone please tell Eddie that Mayor Bloomberg is not exactly rushing to rename the Brooklyn-Queens Expressway in Clubthumper's honor. Strawberry Blonde Brenda stands pat on the position that there were "no rules" in this challenge. Eddie then treats us to the benefit of his most profound wisdom: "You know what I learned? Life is not fair, deal with it." He takes a few more jabs at Indio, namely "I would never show up my team like that. To me that is un-sportsmanship." This coming from a guy that has talked smack about his team mates on several occasions already. Justin put things in perspective quite well, where he distanced himself from making the charge of "cheating," but instead added that the challenge was a "team event, about how well we can row -- not how well a guy from Holy Cross can row."
The lovely Michelle Beadle (is there any other kind?) deals out the tix. She also announces that the losers have a penalty -- The Chain of Shame. The Roadies are to go to the bar in Boston made famous by the TV show "Cheers." They are also handcuffed to a trio of Red Sox fans. Shelli is paired with Kim, a comely young lass who fills out a Red Sox tank top most nicely. Indio draws Bill, a college-age guy in a Red Sox sweatshirt, who wears his cap backwards. Honestly, this guy could fit right in as a part of the Ben Affleck/Matt Damon entourage. Muggs is chained to possibly the most outrageous Sox fan one has ever seen, a heavy-set scruffy guy named Mike. Mike has a big silly hat, a sox jersey opened up, revealing a big ol' beer gut with the Red Sox logo painted on. Truly a "larger-than-life" character. This irritates poor Muggs to no end. He riffs on Sox fans and his particular "partner:" "They are all obnoxious, most are fat and ugly, but this..." Despite much taunting Beer Gut Sox Guy does not rise to the bait, but gently receives the barbs, acknowledging that he is indeed fat and obnoxious. He seems a jolly guy, and would be fun to be around save for that unhealthy attachment to Red Sox Nation. Fortunatly, the Roadies torture lasts but the one night.
Bad Karma follows the Homeys, as the Yankees get swept. In the opener, they are up 6-2 in the 8th and collapse. Mariano gets hammered. The Sox wore green uniforms in honor of Red Auerbach. I'll not dwell on the rest of it. Just saying, that the Homeys' previous talk of a sweep before the series and their shameful antics in the rowing challenge brought bad juju to the Yankees.
Before leaving Massachusetts, the Trippers compete for the tickets to a two game set in Tampa versus the Devil Rays. They meet at a running track at a local high school, where they compete in a funky sort of marathon. They must complete 9 laps, a distance of 2.25 miles. There is a twist, however. For each lap they must pick up and carry a baseball, so that at the end they must carry all 9 balls with them. They cannot tuck the balls into a shirt or into pockets, they have to be carefully balanced and carried in the hands and arms. If they should drop one, they cannot pick it up -- the runners will forfeit a lap for every dropped ball. As Beadle sounds the horn, they go off. Conan the Librarian breaks into a sprint and opens up a huge lead. Brenda, who struggled with a running challenge in Episode 1 lags far behind the others. Justin and Eddie are about even. Dougy takes no chances and walks the final lap. The edit shows Shelli finishing next, as Muggs and Clubthumper match each other lap for lap. Eddie then quite literally drops the ball and incurs a penalty. This enables Justin to finish next, followed by Indio.
So its the Roadies + Conan The Librarian jetting off to Tampa, as Strawberry Blonde Brenda and Clubthumper take the long ride back to Manhattan. In an amusing segment, Eddie wants to play around with **Gratuitous Product Placement** the Everio digital video camera, but can't quite get the hang of it. Brenda actually has to pull over to show Eddie how to use a simple "point-and-shoot" camera! Back home, they are treated to another Gratuitous Product Placement, namely a pair of blue DreamSeat recliners, tastefully decorated with the interlocking NY logo. Eddie mugs it for the camera as he utters the slogan "DreamSeat recliners soften the blow when you can't make it to the game."
The updated standings are as such: Indio 6, Justin 6, Shelli 8, Brenda 14, Dougy 11, Eddie 10. I like that the YES network is now prominently showing us the tallies, as it was getting a little hard to keep track. I somehow had Brenda at 15 games, but if the YES network says 14, its 14. I have her at the two games for the home opener, one during the series vs the Baltimorons, three at Minnesota, Three in Oakland, three at home versus the Indians, and three at the disastrous Fenway series. Perhaps one of my fellow URT fans can point out the flaw in my reckoning. The Sly Robbie Index (SRI) has Strawberry Blonde Brenda at the most wins with 7 and also at the most losses 7 (possibly 8); The Yankees are a .500 club with the Roadies in attendance, and sadly that is as good as it gets. Clubthumper Eddie still the worst "date," with his bad karma percentage -- the Yankees lose 60% of the time he is in the stands.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)
