The Veep Debate

Biden versus Palin: The stir-up in Missouri
The debate was Sarah Palin's to lose. Coming in to the one and only debate between the two major party candidates for the Vice Presidency, the Governor of Alaska was seemingly put under the national microscope. For the past several weeks, self-avowed "hockey mom" Sarah Palin had taken quite a few checks into boards, and many doubted that she had what it took to stay on the ice for this big-time hockey match. With her appearances limited since the Republican party convention a month ago, many Americans have come to recognize her as a punch-line thanks to the parody performances by Saturday Night Live's Tina Fey. Palin has been savaged by the mainstream media, and looked vulnerable following a much-publicized interview with Katie Couric of CBS News. Now, one cannot fault Ms. Couric for asking the tough questions, and pressing on in the wake of vague answers. That is what a good political correspondent should do. It is just a shame that Senators Biden and Obama weren't subjected to the same scrutiny.

Delaware Senator Joe Biden is by trade an attorney, and a seasoned politician, having served in the U.S. Senate since January 1973, back when Nixon was in the White House. Biden first rose to prominence in the national political arena when he announced his first bid for the Presidency in 1984, and has sought the Democrat party nomination several times since. He is a seasoned veteran of appearances and debates, and this venue was right up his alley. The knock on Biden is that he has a case of 'foot-in-mouth' disease, meaning that he is prone to making ridiculous utterances. His main challenge for this debate was to play to his strong suit, bloody up the GOP platform (and McCain in particular), to exploit any gaps that Sarah Palin might open up, and of course to not make any obvious gaffes.

Senator Biden succeeded, for the most part. He came off as being affable, and competent. He hit his marks in "tying" McCain to George W. Bush, and was generally "lawyerly." Biden did not make any major "sound-bite" blunders. His use of numbers and statistics came off as a little dry, and had the desired effect of driving home his points. Several times, he referenced his own and DNC-sponsored websites. This was a very effective tactic, as his opponent had no real way of fact-checking his numbers on the spot. In the aftermath, however, analysts have found major flaws in Biden's information -- but in the venue of the debate, the sizzle mattered more than the substance.

Some controversy surrounded the selection of PBS correspondent Gwen Ifill to be the moderator of the debate at Washington University in St. Louis. Ms. Ifill has a vested interest in the outcome of the Presidential campaign, as she is in the process of completing a book about race and politics in America during the "age of Obama." It was very refreshing, however, to observe that Ms. Ifill did a commendable job moderating the debate. Outside of allowing Senator Biden to have "the last word" on a few occasions more than Governor Palin, there was no real sense that she was favoring either side or pressing any particular agenda. In all, Gwen Ifill upheld the highest standards of professionalism and standards, and should be commended for her efforts.

But the real surprise of the debate came from "Sarah Barracuda." At the very outset, she radiated a warmth and likability -- when meeting Biden the Governor of Alaska was most courteous: "Nice to meet you. Hey, can I call you Joe?" This seemed to disarm the Senator from Delaware. Palin seemed to gain in confidence as the night moved on, and she very effectively laid out the laid out the big themes of the McCain campaign - government reform, lower taxes, strong defense. Although at times it seemed like she was a little too well-rehearsed: "Say it ain't so, Joe. There you go again, pointing backwards again," she said toward the end of the debate. "Now, doggone it, let's look ahead and tell Americans what we have to plan to do for them in the future." She very deftly balanced the polish with some down-home folksiness, accentuated with knowing winks. It was easy to tell that she got under Biden's skin on several occasions, masterfully bringing up Senator Biden's own negative comments about Barack Obama's policies. She took a "Biden plus" (his long tenure in Congress) and turned it around by highlighting that she is "Washington outsider" and that this is the sort of change America is craving. Biden tried on occasion to reference small-town folks in Scranton and Home Depot stores, but Palin outclassed him there, when she invited anyone who wants to get a barometer on the economy to "go to a kids' soccer game on Saturday and turn to any parent there on the sideline."

Governor Palin had a few miscues, she referred to General David McKiernan, the commander of NATO forces in Afghanistan, as "McClellan." Another time, she referred to Biden as "O'Biden." Senator Biden's mistakes were just as big -- he was wrong about the Vice President and the Constitution, for example. According to Article I, sec. 3, clause 4 of the Constitution (where the office of the Vice President is mentioned ifor the first time):

The Vice President of the United States shall be President of the Senate, but shall have no Vote, unless they be equally divided.

The Vice President does indeed have a legislative role, and the VP doesn't just preside over the Senate in case of a tie. The VP only votes in case of a tie, but voting isn't the same as presiding. This flub is something of an eyebrow-raiser, considering Biden's strong suit was supposed to be his knowledge and experience, and the fact that he teaches Constitutional Law at Widener University School of Law!

One of the more surprising moments of the evening came when moderator Ifill questioned both candidates about gay rights, civil unions, and gay marriage. Biden began with the expected party line, and Palin followed in with similar sentiments (contracts, visitation rights in event of illness, etc.) and when it got to gay marriage, she very effectively boxed Biden (and Obama) in when Biden was pretty much forced to concede that the Democrat platform on these issues is essentially the same as that of the Republicans!

All in all, this debate was a bigger win for Palin. Biden did a very good job, and I would give him a solid "B" for his efforts. This was a much bigger test for the Governor of Alaska -- to throw it back to a hockey metaphor, it was a "must-win" game to stay in the playoff hunt for her. Despite the minor flubs, she had a solid "A" last night.

p.s. -- My "wish" question

Much has been made of the "3 a.m. phone-call" question, and the issue of the age and health of John McCain. The cynic in me wants to believe that the moderator didn't broach this subject, as it is just as devastating to the Obama-Biden camp. Biden, after all, is in his late 60's and has already suffered two brain aneurysms. Where John McCain's mother is 96 and still spry, Obama's mother passed away when she was 52, and Barack Hussein Obama, Sr. died at the age of 46. But, what if the question to Sarah Palin was "What if you had to assume the Presidency if President John McCain were to experience an early, unexpected demise?" I would love to hear Sarah Barracuda say: “I certainly don’t expect that, nor does John McCain's mother. But in such an untimely event, there is no worry there, my friends. The first phone call would be to Defense Secretary Petraeus. The second phone call would be to Secretary of State Liebermann. The third phone call would be to Homeland Security Secretary Giuliani, and the next would be to Secretary of the Treasury Romney.”

And the debate goes to...

Arizona Senator John Sidney McCain.
Illinois Senator Barack Hussein Obama, who was purported to be a great orator, quite frankly stumbled. Obama totally dropped the ball on foreign policy, and showed exactly why he is nowhere close to being prepared for the job of Commander-in-Chief. His take on the conflict in Georgia was wrong from the very beginning, as McCain deftly pointed out, and even last night he showed great naïveté in spouting utter nonsense about "exchanging" so-called Russian "peace-keeping" forces in the Georgian provinces of South Ossetia and Abkhazia.

Senator McCain did not exactly hit it out of the park, missing a few golden opportunities to knock Senator Obama on his arse, but he excelled in the foreign policy portion of the debate. Both candidates gave a shout-out to the Baltic States (Estonia, Lithuania, and Latvija), pledging continued support for allies in New Europe and support for accepting Ukraine and Georgia into the NATO alliance, but McCain had a far better grasp of the support and unity that the Baltics and Poland have provided for the people of Georgia. Much to the chagrin of the lefty loonies that comprise his base, Obama moved rightwards, pledging support for state of Israel and showing antipathy towards Venezuela. Barack Obama's positions often seemed to mirror those of John McCain's, but it was very clear that McCain was about three jumps ahead of the junior Illinois Senator. McCain savaged Obama's misguided concept holding talks without precondition with Ahmadinejad, the leader of the Islamic "Republic" of Iran. Obama attempted to rough up the senior Senator from Arizona, by invoking Henry Kissinger for the proposition that the United States ought to speak to everyone. McCain rightly hammered him:

"Senator Obama twice said in debates he would sit down with Ahmadinejad, Chavez and Raul Castro without precondition. Without precondition. Here is Ahmadinenene [mispronunciation], Ahmadinejad, who is, Ahmadinejad, who is now in New York, talking about the extermination of the State of Israel, of wiping Israel off the map, and we’re going to sit down, without precondition, across the table, to legitimize and give a propaganda platform to a person that is espousing the extermination of the state of Israel, and therefore then giving them more credence in the world arena and therefore saying, they’ve probably been doing the right thing, because you will sit down across the table from them and that will legitimize their illegal behavior. The point is that throughout history, whether it be Ronald Reagan, who wouldn’t sit down with Brezhnev, Andropov or Chernenko until Gorbachev was ready with glasnost and perestroika. Or whether it be Nixon’s trip to China, which was preceded by Henry Kissinger, many times before he went. Look, I’ll sit down with anybody, but there’s got to be pre-conditions. Those pre-conditions would apply that we wouldn’t legitimize with a face to face meeting, a person like Ahmadinejad. Now, Senator Obama said, without preconditions."

After the debate, Henry Kissinger himself added: “Senator McCain is right. I would not recommend the next President of the United States engage in talks with Iran at the Presidential level. My views on this issue are entirely compatible with the views of my friend Senator John McCain. We do not agree on everything, but we do agree that any negotiations with Iran must be geared to reality.”

McCain continued to pummel Obama: “What Senator Obama doesn’t seem to understand that if without precondition you sit down across the table from someone who has called Israel a “stinking corpse,” and wants to destroy that country and wipe it off the map, you legitimize those comments.” McCain then delivered a knock-out punch:

So let me get this right. We sit down with Ahmadinejad, and he says, “We’re going to wipe Israel off the face of the Earth,” and we say, “No, you’re not”? Oh, please.

Going in to the debates, McCain's "soft underbelly" was perceived to be his handle on economic matters. His gambit of suspending his campaign in order to roll up the sleeves and get to work in Washington got a lot of mixed reviews. In the "economy" portion of the debate, McCain did a pretty credible job of explaining what he is doing, and what he intends to do if elected President. He effectively countered Obama's comparisons of him to W. Obama was supposed to "own" this part, but again he stumbled. Most telling, where McCain was advocating tax and spending cuts, Obama could only respond with stuff that he would increase spending on. McCain missed a lot of great opportunities to tie Obama's economic advisers to the current Freddie Mac/Fannie Mae crisis, but he seemingly took the high road ahead.

Overall, McCain seemed to hit a lot of the points he needed to. He was expected to have the better foreign policy, and he effectively presented that. He was no slouch on the domestic policy. Obama, as I indicated, dropped the ball on foreign policy, which should sound alarm bells for anyone concerned with national security. Obama clearly didn't hit his marks on domestic, and failed to land any decent punches on McCain. Instead, the McCain campaign has released this advertisement highlighting the many times Obama conceded that "John is right." It seems that without a teleprompter and finely crafted material, Obama tends to stammer and appear indecisive. His attempts to get under McCain's skin and provoke the purported temper of John McCain utterly failed.

The conclusion is that Barack Hussein Obama has shown that he is not the man to lead this country. While I am not exactly thrilled by the prospect of a John Sidney McCain presidency, he is the better choice of the two. I am still likely to vote along my libertarian/conservative beliefs, but should New York and New Jersey come into play this November, I would consider pulling the lever for the Arizona Senator. I am still "undecided," but last night's debate tilts me towards McCain.

Update:

This fellow catches the part where Jim Lehrer asks Obama "No matter which rescue plan prevails, what are you going to have to give up (in spending)" By the time Obama finished, he'd spent another 20 billion dollars!

What goes around...

U.S. Rep. Johnny "ABSCAM" Murtha is about to get his comeuppance, served to him courtesy of one of the fine citizens he purports to represent. According to the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette, former Marine Lance Cpl. Justin Sharratt, 24, of Canonsburg, Pennsylvania is filing a civil lawsuit against Murtha (D-Johnstown). Murtha is the congressman most famous for smearing the United States Marines involved in an incident in Haditha, Iraq some three years ago, where some civilians were caught in the crossfire of a firefight between a squad form the Third Battalion, First Marines, and a number of al-Qaeda insurgents. Before the facts were in, Murtha repeatedly denounced and defamed the 8 men involved, calling them (among other things) cold-blooded killers. Murtha's comments served to stoke anti-American sentiment abroad.

As the Article 32 investigation carried out by N.C.I.S. bore out, allegations of a "massacre" were wildly inaccurate, and charges against seven of the eight accused men were dropped. Only one of the Marines, squad leader Staff Sgt. Frank Wuterich, remains charged with involuntary manslaughter. To date, Murtha has neither retracted nor apologized for his comments. Lance Corporal Sharratt and his family tried on numerous occasions to get an audience with Murtha, and when they finally did, Murtha did not acknowledge Lance Corporal Sharratt's exhonoration, and "kept skirting the issue."

Noah Geary, a Washington County lawyer representing Sharratt, said his client will file suit today in U.S. District Court in Pittsburgh accusing Murtha of violating his constitutional rights as well as slander for statements about the Haditha incident. It looks like one of the great weasels of American politics is about to get what is coming to him.

New York rally versus Evil

The uproar over the dis-invitation of Alaska governor Sarah Palin to speak at the anti- Ahmadinejad rally yesterday outside the United Nations New York Headquarters by the event organizers appears to have created a huge anti-Obama backlash.

WCBS-TV Channel 2 news is reporting that protesters at the rally opposing the visit to the U.N. of Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, the leader of The Islamic Republic of Iran, were angered by the cowardly antics of the event organizers, and turned their ire against the Democrat Party. It is widely believed that the organizers succumbed to pressures from the Democrat Party to dis-invite the G.O.P. vice-Presidential candidate from making a speech at the event. Although the event was originally intended to be non-partisan, the Democrat Party lost face after Hillary Clinton dropped out after learning that Governor Palin was invited. Noted author Roger L. Simon called the move a "virtual Night of the Long Knives played out between the Democratic Party and various Jewish organizations surrounding the Iran demonstration, including allegations that party operatives were threatening the loss of tax exempt status over Sarah Palin’s appearance, with more unpleasant revelations undoubtedly to come, is obviously causing people to reconsider this allegiance to the Democratic Party that approaches fealty."

Anger at the Democrat Party was evident by many hand-made signs bearing slogans, such as: "We Want Sarah. Shame On The Rally Organizer." Many others carried printed posters displaying sentiments as "Jews Against Obama & Ahmadinejad." Barak Hussein Obama's recent comments seemingly in support of Israel appear to many as pandering. A good deal of people in New York's Jewish community have reason to doubt the Democrat Party presidential candidate's sincerity, especially considering the fact that chief among his foreign policy advisers is Jimmy Carter's National Security adviser, Zbigniew Brzezinski.

Given the recent surge by G.O.P. candidate John Sidney McCain, New York has recently come into play and is no longer considered a "safe bet" to remain a Blue State in the upcoming election. Angering the Jewish population of New York City is as unwise a move as the Democrat Party political establishment could possibly make.

Saying Farewell to an Old Friend

Yankee Stadium -- The Cathedral of Baseball -- hosted its final game last night, a 7-3 thumping of the hapless Orioles. I can't help but feel a little sad -- O.K., a LOT sad. It is as though I have seen an old friend for the last time. The Stadium was given a rousing send-off by the Yankee organization. Many of the legendary players were honored, their feats and heroics displayed on the giant video screen. Those still living were invited out onto the field, the honored dead in quite a few cases were represented by family members who came out in their stead.

No image, in my mind, is quite as touching as that of Yogi Berra standing solemnly, as if at attention, the faithful Old Guard hailing the Regent in a final sign of respect. The Yankee organization got it right, for the most part. I cannot help feel, though, that some were snubbed. It is no secret that the management has had acrimonious relationships with the field Managers, the men who led the team to great success over the years, and who have been fairly or unfairly born the brunt of the blame when Championships are not delivered every autumn, like clockwork. George Steinbrenner, the Principal Owner of The Franchise was notorious for finding the best and brightest baseball minds, second-guessing them and casting them away. But George also had a streak of humility that made him see the error of past transgressions and to make amends. It was sad that Joe Torre did not get due appreciation at this great event, though one suspects that this may be more the doing of Hal and Hank, the Sons of George, who have assumed the mantle of "The Boss." To be fair, not even the greatest of the Yankee skippers, namely Casey "The Ol' Perfesser" Stengel, got as much "face-time" as was his due.

It was thrilling to see Bernie Williams make a return to centerfield, if only as a guest. Ditto the return of his compatriots, such as Paul O'Neill, Scott Brosius, and Constantino Martinez who provided so many thrilling moments in the Championship runs of the late 1990s. Even moreso were the return of the legends of my childhood, Graig Nettles, Chris Chambliss, Reggie Jackson, Bucky Dent, Willie Randolph, "Goose" Gossage, and "The Gator" Ron Guidry. As each was introduced, I felt the same chills and thrills as I did when I was 13, and my boys were coming back from 14 and a half out to storm back and reclaim the World Championship.

Yankee Stadium was a place where magic happened. I recall the nights at summer camp in the Catskills, when we surreptitiously listened to the games on A.M. radios smuggled in -- living in an ecstatic combination of fear of getting "busted" by the counsellors for having such contraband and elation of being in touch with those great, great men playing a boy's game, and carrying the banner of my "home" city in a quest to become the Champions of the World.

To be truthful, I didn't start life out as a Yankee fan. In fact, I was practically born in the shadow of Shea Stadium in Queens. My mom, for whatever reason, was in her 9th month of pregnancy and decided to take the family to the 1965 World's Fair at Flushing Meadows. It was then that I decided to come into this world, and through an unusual set of circumstances I came into this world in the backseat of Uncle Jerry's '53 Mercury, as he was speeding down the Long Island Expressway enroute to the family doctor who was awaiting us at a hospital in Smithtown. I could just as easily have been born in Booth Memorial in Queens, save for my mom's stubborn insistence to make it back to Suffolk County. My elder siblings were not great baseball fans, but they were swayed by the New York Metropolitan Baseball Club -- most especially because of the 1969 "Miracle Mets." From them, I received the hand-me-down Mets shirts and memorabilia and slowly began to comprehend the nature of the game. We moved from the Island (what island? -- Long Island) to New Jersey. Fortunately, my family were not great baseball fans, and the sport (and the Mets) were sort of an abstract. I vaguely recall the "Ya Gotta Believe" from 1973, but my next real "contact" with Major League baseball would come from our trips to The Bronx.

For an immigrant family, contact with other Latvian nationals was very important. Although we lived in the sticks in Jersey, I recall that we would make several trips each week trips to the Bronx, where the Latvian community had a church and social hall. We attended services and went to Scouts. We weren't exactly well-off, and often took the Major Deegan Expressway to save the little bit of money the luxury of the Henry Hudson Parkway toll bridge exacted. Staring in 1975, we began encountering lots of traffic near the interchange with I-95. This traffic, we found out, coincided with when and how the Yankees were playing. So, we got into the habit of using Mr. Marconi's invention and tuning in to WINS 1010 to hear what the Yankees were doing on Sunday afternoons or Tuesday (and later Thursday and Friday) evenings. We found out that the charming and enigmatic Yogi Berra fellow had been unceremoniously dumped by the Mets, and was now with these Yankees. I remember the bewilderment I experienced when I discovered that Yogi was a long-time Yankee before his days with the Mets! And what a history lesson I learned listening to The Scooter, Phil Rizzuto, as he filled in quite a lot of the blanks. Alas, 1976 was The Turning Point -- armed with the knowledge and appreciation of the game, and the joy of listening to the exploits of the Bronx Bombers on the radio. It was then that I truly became a Yankee Fan. The Yankees and Yankee Stadium were no longer the nuisance that caused depressing traffic jams on the way home, but rather the source of interesting and suspenseful adventures. I know fondly recall the nights when we "raced" down the Deegan expressway, keeping tabs of the innings and score, desperately hoping to beat the crowds to the I-95 before the end of the game. They seem so majestic now, that were "blessed" to see the magnificent glow of the stadium lights in the autumn skies as we ascended the looping road up towards the Alexander Hamilton bridge that brought us across the Harlem River.

That was the Yankee Stadium of my childhood -- a bright shining place, abuzz with excitement, where these mythical men with nifty nicknames like "Catfish" and "Sparky" and "The Goose" performed astounding feats. "Holy Cow" and "You Huckleberry" became part of my jargon. I knew one day that I must go see this place for myself, to witness the wonder and to be a part of the great game. I was about 15 or so when my elders finally entrusted me to be able to take Mass Transit by myself from Jersey to the Bronx and back again, to participate in church and scout-oriented activity. Money was not easy to come by, but I got a paper route, delivering the Newark Star-Ledger, and saved and often was "gifted" tickets. So after Saturday folk dances, I was able to catch a few baseball games. I never had much money, but managed to get into the bleachers. I remember very much wanting to get out and about and to see the grand old ball-park, but us "bleacher-creatures" were a different class of citizen, we weren't allowed into the other areas of the ballpark. I remember one time my Grandmother sprung for good seats, and I relished just walking the concourse, stopping from section to section to see what the view was like from each, before being chased away by the ushers. These were the 1980s, some lean years for the club, but each visit was precious.

During my High School years, I had an opportunity to be part of the NBS radio network, a "proving ground" for beginners who wanted to break into broadcasting. We basically had studios in Manhattan where we recorded 30-minute weekly shows that would be re-broadcast to other parts of the country. Using my credentials, I was able to secure a press pass for Yankee Stadium for one day. Navigating the labyrinthine hallways, I was a cross between a kid in a candy store and a deer in headlights. I remember meeting a kindly old gent named Pete Sheehy, who took the time to show me the clubhouse. At the time, I was not aware of his deep connection to Yankee history, and only later did I realize what a great privilege I had been afforded. Pete Sheehy was the equipment manager for the New York Yankees from 1927 until his death in 1985. He shined Babe Ruth's shoes, when Lou Gehrig realized his career was over, he flipped his glove to Sheehy, who said "I'm done, Pete." Sheehy was the man who issued Mickey Mantle #7 after Mantle was recalled from Kansas City so he could get a new start rather than being pressed with number 6. Pete Sheehy gifted me with Yankee catcher Butch Wynegar's baseball jersey, it had this big stain on it that would not wash out. I remember wearing that #27 with pride for the longest time. My mom threw it out when I was away in college, not realizing its significance. After his death, the Yankee clubhouse was named in his honor. I will never forget the kindness and generosity of this gentleman who so embodied the Yankee spirit. I wonder if his "ghost" will follow the Yankees across the street.

I was proud to be able to afford "real" seats during the glory years in the 1990s, but for some reason it always seemed that going to a game was always destined to take a sizable chunk of change from my wallet, no matter how much I was earning. I have to admit I haven't been to a game at the Stadium in a long while now. Tickets of late have been scarce and super-expensive, this being the last season and all. I almost feel like I've let the Stadium down, like knowing a friend is in the hospital, and even though you've called, you should have made a visit nonetheless. Now the opportunity is gone. Yeah, I know that there will still be another send-off event, but it wouldn't feel right if there wasn't a game going on.

I am sure I will be taking in a game at the new stadium that nears completion on the other side of the street. I just don't know if the "tingle" will be there, if the hairs on the back of my neck will stand at attention, or if there will be the same feeling of awe. The Yankee Stadium that captivated me, the place that I fell in love with will soon be no more. The new place, I am sure, will be nice. I just don't know if the Old Ghosts will be there to haunt it. It will be a goodly piece of property; but next spring, will it strike fear into the heart of some Cleveland Indians rookie who plays there for the first time? Will opposing veterans still take the time after batting practice to walk the new monument park and reflect on the old legends? It is, I suppose, up to the likes of Derek Jeter, and A-Rod, and Mariano to make a bold statement in the crisp pages of the brand new journal that will now record the travails, tribulations and triumphs of the New York Yankees. I dearly hope that they do so with pride and glory, and do justice to the namesake of the great franchise that is the New York Yankees, and pay due respect to the dignity of the place that will now carry the name of Yankee Stadium.

As for the old place... you will be missed, old friend.

An incredible evening

As a baseball fan in general, and a Yankees fan in particular, tonight was a "wet dream." The team has been on a tear of late. We were written off a few short weeks ago, but the New York Yankees have now officially Come Back. Tonight, the Universe resounded to the beat dictated by divine clockwork. The Yankees won, beating the Indians in the process. Boston lost, in humiliating fashion. Detroit lost, also in humiliating fashion. The Seattle Mariners blew a lead and also lost. The result? In the race for the American League Eastern Division Championship, the Yankees are but five games back. As it is just mid-August five out means we are in a Pennant Race. With the Wild-Card rules being as they are -- Yankees are tied with the Seattle Mariners for a (theoretical) spot in the playoffs.

The Yankee Victory:

Tonight, The Phenom Phil Hughes went at the Cleveland Indians, a perennial rival for the Yanks. He dominated "The Tribe" for most of the game, save for an awkward 25-pitch 1st inning and a solo shot by Barfield in the 5th. Joba Chamberlain absolutely shut the Indians down, striking out the side in the eighth, for a total of four K's in his two innings of work. Ironic, as Joba is the only Native American player in the game today and his success comes at the expense of the weak-hitting Indians. Mariano Rivera pitched a perfect ninth. On offense, A-Rod hit a homer in the second off of Fausto Carmona, with The Captain Derek Jeter collecting three hits to raise his batting average to .330. Hideki Matsui, Bobby "El Comedulce" Abreu, and Robbie Cano (don't cha know) also came up with big hits in key situations.

Joba is one heck of a story in and of himself. He is a Native American of the Winnebago tribe. He was raised on a reservation by a single father, who was disabled and left without the use of an arm. Even so, his father played catch with him, raising him as best he could, and encouraging Joba's passion for the game. Chamberlain's given name was Justin. A young niece was unable to pronounce his name, and her best attempt "Job-Ah" became the name his family called him. He has since legally changed his name from Justin to Joba.

The Boston Loss

Let me just say, the the Red Sox collapse is destined to happen. It is the order of things in the universe. There was a rare Freak Occurence, something that happens only once in a centuary. Red Sox Nation has nine decades of futility to look forward to. Grudgingly one has to admit that Daisuke Matsuzaka is a heck of a pitcher. He and the Baltimore Orioles' Erik Bedard engaged in a classic pitcher's duel for 7 innings. Despite giving up just one run, Dice-K left the game in shame, as the losing pitcher of record. Only later did the Sox rally and knock out Bedard in the eighth and tag the O's for a total of five runs. The Baltimorons would come back, slamming recent Red Sox acquisition Eric Gagne (the 2003 NL Cy Young Award recipient) tagging him for four runs. The usually "automatic" Hideki Okajima was shamed, as he gave up the winning run in the bottom of the 9th as the Orioles made a miracle comeback at Camden Yards.

The other "Wild Card" pretenders

The Tigers came out on the losing end of a see-saw battle with the Oakland A's. Oakland led 8-1 after three and a half innings of baseball. With a grand slam by former Yankee Marcus Thames, the Tigers scored five times in their half of the third and with three more runs in the fourth inning they took a 9-7 advantage. Justin Cust responded with a grand slam of his own and ended up driving in 7 as The A's ended up winning 16-10. The Seattle Mariners jumped out to a 3-2 lead over the Chicago White Sox before the home team came back to win 5-3. Chicago reliever Bobby Jenks made Baseball History by pitching a perfect 9th, he retired his 38th consecutive batter, tying him with David Wells set in 1998 for the Yankees. Three more, and Jenks will tie the record set by Jim Barr for the 1972 San Francisco Giants. This was Bobby Jenks' 33rd save in 36th chances.

The Yankees currently stake claim to the Wild Card. We are within 5 of the Red Sox for the Division Title with 7 more weeks of baseball to go. I like our balance of tested veterans and eager rookies. I believe that the 0-0-0 (WinnebagO - VizcainO - MarianO) combo makes this relief corps as automatic as they come. October Glory is within reach, and as of this moment, the Yankees hold the keys to their destiny. Tonight was a beautiful and near-perfect night in baseball. I love our chances in the playoff hunt to come.

/R

Dr. Valdis Zatlers -- President of Latvia

After retiring from his nightclub act, Heino
moved to Latvia and was named President

Dabbling in the Black Arts

Beans, beans the musical fruit,
The more you eat the more you toot.
The more you toot, the better you feel,
So let's eat beans for every meal.

Whilst Dougie and the Roadies follow the Bronx Bombers to Tropicana Field in Tampa, Sinister things are brewing back at the apartment in New York. Clubthumper Eddie and Strawberry Blonde Brenda are visited Louis, a rather tall psychic. Louis offers to take a Tarot reading of Eddie & Bren. Brenda seems open to the idea, but Eddie is apprehensive. Louis The Psychic has a special deck of Tarot cards, with ballplayers and baseball images on the faces, and he does a modified Tarot reading, laying the cards out in a "Baseball" diamond pattern. Strawberry Blonde Brenda's reading culminates in drawing the "Death" card -- but serendipitously it is uniform #13, which is A-Rod's and Brenda's number. Fortunately the card is inverted, which is actually a good omen. Eddie reckons his reading to be "90% false" and is very skeptical about the whole exercise. This guy should be on the Bunco squad! Alas, for all those folks out there who believe in the supernatural and Tarot readings, Clubthumper Eddie has a message for you: "People who go to psychics are the people I think are mentally weak."

The Bad Mojo that plagued the Homeys in the first series up in Boston has followed Dougy to Florida. In the opener, Kei Igawa got hit hard and early, and the Yanks lost 10-8. It was "Cowbell Night," something that annoyed Muggs to no end. So annoyed was he that he declared it "the worst promotion since syringe night." The Yankees would also drop the second game on the following night by a score of 6-4 as Mike Myers gave up a Grand Slam.

While enjoying sunny Florida, Indio, Shelli, Justin and Dougy take in some outdoor sports. In a **Shameless Product Placement** the crew does some water-skiing at the McCormick Waterski & Wakeboard School. Under the tutelage of owner/operator Mike McCormick, the gang has some fun in the sun.

Back in New York, Eddie finally figures out that he should be trying to help Brenda, instead of criticising her. He takes her out to "The Cage" in Queens, where he coaches kids in the art of hitting. Strawberry Blonde Brenda is set up in a batting cage, and takes swing after swing. Eddie kinda stares at her, ogling her boobs for quite some time before offering some tips. Eventually he gets one of his buds to film her as she swings. Contrary to the previous episode, where Clubthumper had difficulty operating a point-and-shoot camera, he seems comfy around technology in copying film to disc and then playing it back in slo-mo. There, he compares Strawberry Blonde Brenda's swing to that of A-Rod. By the end of the segment, Brenda is making consistent contact with the ball.

Upon their return, the Tampa crew is reunited with the home-bound Homeys. As a surprise, all six get to go to the next two home games together. Fittingly, the first game versus the Toronto Blue Jays is rained out.

This episode, it only takes about 15 minutes before we get our first sighting of Michelle Beadle. She brings the Trippers out to the Rocking Horse Ranch Resort in Hastings, NY (near Poughkeepsie). In a sweet Southern accent, the Texas native explains the rules to the Trippers, who are clad in chaps and cowboy hats. There are to be 3 separate challenges for tickets for each of the next 3 games versus the Red Sox on the line.

The first challenge is "Ticket in a Haystack." One member from each side will wade into a seriously big haystack to search for an envelope containing the tickets -- Strawberry Blonde Brenda for the Homeys, and CaliGrrl for the Roadies. Shelli digs out the winning ticket for the Roadies.

The next challenge is the "Bean Eatin' Bonanza." In it, Muggs squares off against Conan The Librarian at a picnic table. Each has their hands tied behind their back, and must eat a pound of beans without use of utensils -- they have to lean in and stick their face on a plate full of beans. Dougy gets green around the gills pretty quickly, but Muggs makes like a human vaccum, slurping the beans with reckless abandon as he snags another round for the Roadies.

The final challenge is the Main Event that URT fans have been waiting for -- a showdown between Clubthumper Eddie and Estibador Indio. It is a physical challenge, The Heavyweight Horseshoe Scramble" wherein each has to move a pile of 100 horseshoes from homeplate to a wheelbarrow at 2nd base. The horseshoes are big heavy and cumbersome, and both Estibador and Clubthumper drop a few along the way. Just when it looks like Eddie has salvaged a win for the Homeys, it is discovered that he left one horseshoe in the dust back at home. Indio, who had the presence of mind to keep going ends up completing the sweep for the Roadies.

That evening, the six go to the Stadium to witness the Major League debut of highly touted 20-year-old rookie Phil "The Savior" Hughes. Hughes does not do horribly, but the night belonged to A.J. Burnett, who mastered the Yankee lineup as the Jays won 6-0. Muggs "serenades" the gang with the by-product of his victory in the Bean Eating Bonanza, proving the adage that Beans are indeed a Musical Fruit.

The following day, all 6 head for the Stadium, but only the Roadies can attend the game. The Homeys hang out at Billy's Bar just outside. The Yankees would lose to the Sox, and drop their 7th game in a row. It is the first time during this particular losing streak that a Homey is NOT present for the game, but their close proximity to the field should be taken into account for this. Yankee starter Jeff Karstens takes a line drive to the shin early on. The kid managed to get back up and throw another pitch to the next batter, but it turns out that his leg is broken. Gotta say, though, that Karstens has guts.

Following the game, the Trippers reunite outside the Stadium, where Cotton Candy Calvin presents them with their next clue. They are to go to "The Oldest Winery in America." This, for those who are not versed in the Lush Arts, is the Brotherhood Winery in Washingtonville, NY. After an informative tour, where Justin nearly upstaged the charismatic guide with his extensive knowledge of wine. Muggs does work in a bar, y'know, and actually studied food and beverage / restaurant management at some sort of institute of higher learning. A scholar and a beaneater, that one.

Babealicious Beadle tempts with tix for Texas. The Trippers go for broke in the Grape Stomp Challenge. Two trippers must stomp the grapes in a barrel, and one "runner" must gather the resulting juice in a ladle and run it some 25 yards to a bottle that must be filled. The Roadies choose Justin to be the runner, due to his restaurant experience and steady hands. Indio and CaliGrrl are to stomp the grapes. This sort of reminds me of the classic "I Love Lucy" episode where our favorite redhead goes to Italy and similarly wants to stomp the grapes. The vintners enthusiastically point to her (in Italian) comment "look at those feet -- big like pizza pies!" Poor Shelli -- URT fans will no doubt be curious as to the size of her trotters from here on in. The Homeys originally decide to have Eddie and Dougy stomp the grapes, but because the task involves running, they decide it would be better if Strawberry Blonde Brenda stayed in the wine barrel.

Beadle starts things off with an airhorn. She sure knows how to handle a horn, allright. I am overcome with joy when I see that blonde vixen with a horn. You could even say that it is a horny experience. Anyways, Muggs jumps out to a big lead. Conan the Librarian scoops what he can with his ladle, where Muggs skims the juice. Also, Justin manipulates the filter over the bottle to squeeze more juice from wayward grapes. Eventually he pushes the filter right into the bottle, which briefly halts the competition. They lose the filters for the remainder of the race, but its too little too late for Dougy, as the Roadies take it.

At this point, the YES network lists the standings as Indio 12, Justin 12, Shelli 14, Brenda 15, Dougy 14 and Eddie 11.

A New England Yankee in King George's court...

Red Sawx fans were shocked, shocked, when two-time Super Bowl MVP Tom Brady two-timed them by daring to wear a New York Yankees cap in public. Brady, a Southern California native, has been a life-long Yankees fan. However, some folks up in Beantown seem to think that the New England Patriots quarterback has somehow betrayed them. Heh. Listen ... the guy plays football. FOOTBALL. Obviously his football allegiance has to be to the organization that pays him, and the team that plays alongside him. Wearing another football team's apparel would be a no-no. However, there is nothing unethical about him supporting whatever team he wants to in other sports. Just because he plays in Massachusetts does not mean he is locked into having to be a fan of the other area franchises. As a Giants fan, I could care less if, say, Jeremy Shockey decides to wear a Florida Marlins cap. Big whoop. He doesn't have to like the Yankees, or even the Mets. Brady has friends who have played for the Yankees, namely a fellow Michigan QB named Drew Henson. Brady is also pals with Derek Jeter and Alex Rodriguez. I don't blame him for showing support to his friends. For the New England sports fans that have thrown hate at Tom Brady for his Yankee loyalties -- that's just plain stupid. Sadly, no one ever said that Red Sox Nation was a rational place.

What was I drinking?

Actually, I had several this weekend (surprise surprise). Revisited JosephsBrau Brewing Co.'s Hopfest Pilsner, and it was still delightful. I am always keeping an eye out for India Pale Ales for my buddy Kārlis. Found a good one in Green Flash Brewing Co.'s West Coast I.P.A. It's made by a microbrewery out of San Diego, named for a curious phenomena of light produced by the setting sun. In the waning moments of the sun "setting" into the sea, the colors of the visible light spectrum cycle through, from Red to Orange to Yellow, and then for the very briefest of moments Green before going to the blue "ultra-violet" end of the spectrum. It is very rare to see the Green Flash, the weather conditions have to be just right, very clear. It's more often seen by sailors on ships at sea. But I'm not talkin' 'bout the colors, man! except for the reddish copper color of this west coast I.P.A. The first blast is a big hops flavor, and it sort of stings the tongue. There is a piney-nuttiness to it, with a citrus-like flavor. I had to go look it up, they use a combination of hops -- Simcoe for the "grapefruitness" and Centennial that gives it that pine-resin flavor. It's pretty bitter, so its not one to pound the night away with. The 7% ABV is nothing to sneeze at, but not quite the "rubber mallet," either. Following this up with a lager, or the forementioned Hopfest pilsner makes for a good eve of intelligent beer drinking.

La Fin Du Boycott de France

France, at last, appears to be returning to its senses. The Fifth Republic has chosen the son of a Hungarian immigrant to be its new President. Nicolas Sarkozy soundly defeated the Socialist candidate Segolene Royal, whose supporters promptly began rioting in the streets of Paris when they heard the news.

The election of Sarkozy is welcome news indeed, as it means that the nation of France has decided to show that it still has some backbone and has the will and the capacity to act civilized. In one week's time Jacques "The Weasel" Chirac will be relegated to the dustbin of history, and a new era of trans-atlantic cooperation will dawn for the people of France and the United States of America. "Sarko" is a progressive, forward-looking leader who promises fiscal responsibility and good old-fashioned conservative values -- something that has been conspicuously absent from the European continent. He pledges to renew the ties of friendship with the USA. While acknowledging that there will naturally be some disagreements among friends, there will be a reconciliation between the two societies. The road to rapprochement will not be easy. Mr. Sarkozy still has another election to face -- one that will decide the makeup of France's legislative body. It is not quite safe to count "the chickens before they hatch," but given the convincing victory attained by Nicolas Sarkozy, it is likely that the electorate will give him the mandate he needs to bring France back from the brink, and back to the path of righteousness.

It is high time to end the boycott of France, and to give Sarkozy and America's erstwhile enemies the chance to show that they are indeed friends again.

I will personally buy a bottle of Hennessey VSOP to toast Mr. Sarkozy into office on May 16th. French wines, while inferior to those found in my native New York state, will once again be welcome at my table. I may even indulge with some French Champagne on a night out (though I have yet to find one that delivers taste-for-value in the way that, say, Korbel can.) Heck, even French's mustard and French Vanilla Ice Cream can now safely be consumed. I will be sad to see "Freedom" Fries disappear from the menus, but such is the price we pay for détente.

The Chain of Shame

New York Post sportswriter Mike Vaccaro devoted his "City Lights" column last Sunday to the best things about being a sports fan in New York. Of our favourite show he wrote: "YES' Ultimate road trip (is) proof that TV can be so bad it's impossible to turn off." Very prescient, Mr. Vaccaro!

This week's edition found the Homey's plus CaliGrrl Shelli flying home from the Oakland series. That girl sure has a set of lungs, as she hollers: "We're Ho-ome!" It can be heard well over the din of New York City traffic, much like a foghorn above a roaring sea. Upon arrival, the Trippers are presented with their next challenge, two from each team are to go to a gym for a training session. This was a pretty stupid challenge, as there were no tickets or prizes up for grabs. The menfolk went off for apparently no other reason than a cheap product placement for Premiere Martial Arts and trainer Luis Sevilla-Levy. The trainer comments on how well-conditioned the guys are, and much time is wasted watching the guys, exercise and spar. Indio "Estibador" squares off against Dougy, a.k.a. "Conan the Librarian", "Clubthumber" Eddie takes on Justin "Muggs" -- the palooka from Brooklyn versus the Irish bartender... there's a joke in there that practically writes itself. Clubthumper does some clowning around, flopping around on the mat like a fish out of water.

Were I running the show, I would have sent the guys out on their merry way, and kept the cameras on the girls alone in the apartment. Visions of "The Mother of All Pillowfights" dancing in my head, CaliGrrl and Strawberry Blonde Brenda in as skimpy attire as the standards of basic cable will allow -- toss in a generous helping of Beadle, and then you get the idea. But the show's producers go the other way, sweaty guys working out. I guess they needed to boost the ratings for the female demographics, or something.

The Homeys get to catch the Yankees at home versus the Cleveland Indians. Game 1 features a great pitching performance by rookie Chase Wright, and Jorge Posada's 200th career homerun. Rey Sepulveda from Season 1 is in the stands and drops by to say Hello to the gang in an all-too-brief cameo. It would be nice to see more of him and the other alumni -- hopefully the producers will have the Trippers out among the "Bleacher Creatures" and visit with Vinnie somewhere down the line. Game 2 is a big 9-2 win, replete with a plug for Matt Frost and his Sports Robes. The Yankees would complete the sweep the following day with a big come-from-behind rally with 2 out in the bottom of the ninth inning, capped by a 3-run walk-off homer from A-Rod.

What happens next is nothing less than the beginning of a bitter feud. The Homeys find an envelope in the car, indicating what the next challenge will be. Eddie impulsively opens it and begins reading, never bothering to examine the directions on the outside which clearly state: Do Not Open Without All Six. Technically, this should disqualify the Homeys from the competition, as they violate the rules. Strawberry Blonde Bren and Conan tell Clubthumper to put the clue back in the envelope, but Eddie thinks that rules are for suckers. Eddie wants to read the clue anyway, but the will of his teammates prevails. Back at the apartment, they read the clue together with the Roadies. Both teams will be heading to Boston for the much-anticipated series against the rival Red Sox. They are to report to the College of the Holy Cross in Worcester Mass. to participate in crew rowing competition.

On the long drive up to New England, Strawberry Blonde Brenda and Shelli chauffeur their respective teams. Inviting Bad Karma, Dougy and Eddie talk of sweeping the Sox, before falling asleep in their seats. In the Roadie car, Indio and Justin riff on "Beantown," with Muggs making some pointed remarks such as "You know you're in Bean-town when you hear that annoying accent."

Hard to believe but 1/3 of the show goes by before we get our first glimpse of Michelle Beadle. This is a travesty! Anyway, she explains that, in order to win the tickets for the three game set in Fenway Park, the teams have to race each other across Lake Quinsigamond. They first train in a pool with Crusaders' coaches Dave Ploss and Eddie Evans, who show them the basics, or as Dave jokes "which end of the oar goes in the water." On the lake, the teams take to the water, and each are assigned a "ringer." The Homeys get Al Monte, and the Roadies get Robert Schwab, who has dressed for the occasion in a Red Sox jersey. Each team is also assigned a girl "coxswain," (man... the jokes can practically write themselves here!) Elle Carolan for the Homeys, and Diane Imperato for the Roadies. Practice is not easy for either side, the Roadies end up in the drink, capsizing into the cold water. The Homeys have trouble getting in sync as a team, only Dougy seems to be getting the hang of it. Al The Ringer cooks up an insidious plan, and wherever there is a nefarious scheme brewing you can be sure that Clubthumper Eddie is in there stirring the pot. The Homeys strongest competitor, Conan the Librarian will row with Al The Ringer, while the other two just sit there with oars above water -- this plays to Eddie and Brenda's strengths as Deadweight and Ballast, respectively. This is the moral equivalent of taking steroids and then using a corked bat. The Homeys win the crooked contest, as Dougy and Al The Ringer get a good rhythm going.

I will digress a little here, as it is a shame that the viewers view of crew rowing is put in a bad light. Certainly the Homeys coxswain should have put a stop to the skullduggery (heh-- or perhaps it should be scull-duggery?) Rowing is actually a great sport with proud traditions. My college chum Maurice rowed for Georgetown and felt honored to participate in the great camaraderie and had much respect for opponents. Also, considering that some folks might regard a few of my witticisms as bordering on the misogynistic, I'd also like to give a shout out to women's collegiate athletics, which does not get much press. In particular I'd like to tell you about a young lady from Valmiera, Latvia (the home of my ancestors, btw) named Ligita Kaviere. Ligita is a five-time Latvian champion rower and won Gold in the double scull at the World Junior Rowing Championship. She is currently a junior at the University of Southern California, where she has made the All-America team and is co-captain of the Women's Rowing team. She is a remarkable young woman and along with her 40 teammates deserves much adulation and support. OK, I'll step off the soapbox now.

The Homeys antics does not go unnoticed by the Roadies. CaliGrrl starts in with congratulating the Homeys on their "teamwork." Indio berates Eddie and Brenda: "What, you didn't want to get wet?" Clubthumper Eddie defends the tactics, possibly coining the new BALCO company credo: "It's a strategy... It's not cheating!" A heated exchange ensues, where Estibador comments on what he perceives as Eddie's no-shows for the more physical challenges. Clubthumper tells Indio to "take it like a man." Estibador responds: "You talk the talk, you should walk the walk!" Clubthumper then denigrates the honor of the Bronx. Someone please tell Eddie that Mayor Bloomberg is not exactly rushing to rename the Brooklyn-Queens Expressway in Clubthumper's honor. Strawberry Blonde Brenda stands pat on the position that there were "no rules" in this challenge. Eddie then treats us to the benefit of his most profound wisdom: "You know what I learned? Life is not fair, deal with it." He takes a few more jabs at Indio, namely "I would never show up my team like that. To me that is un-sportsmanship." This coming from a guy that has talked smack about his team mates on several occasions already. Justin put things in perspective quite well, where he distanced himself from making the charge of "cheating," but instead added that the challenge was a "team event, about how well we can row -- not how well a guy from Holy Cross can row."

The lovely Michelle Beadle (is there any other kind?) deals out the tix. She also announces that the losers have a penalty -- The Chain of Shame. The Roadies are to go to the bar in Boston made famous by the TV show "Cheers." They are also handcuffed to a trio of Red Sox fans. Shelli is paired with Kim, a comely young lass who fills out a Red Sox tank top most nicely. Indio draws Bill, a college-age guy in a Red Sox sweatshirt, who wears his cap backwards. Honestly, this guy could fit right in as a part of the Ben Affleck/Matt Damon entourage. Muggs is chained to possibly the most outrageous Sox fan one has ever seen, a heavy-set scruffy guy named Mike. Mike has a big silly hat, a sox jersey opened up, revealing a big ol' beer gut with the Red Sox logo painted on. Truly a "larger-than-life" character. This irritates poor Muggs to no end. He riffs on Sox fans and his particular "partner:" "They are all obnoxious, most are fat and ugly, but this..." Despite much taunting Beer Gut Sox Guy does not rise to the bait, but gently receives the barbs, acknowledging that he is indeed fat and obnoxious. He seems a jolly guy, and would be fun to be around save for that unhealthy attachment to Red Sox Nation. Fortunatly, the Roadies torture lasts but the one night.

Bad Karma follows the Homeys, as the Yankees get swept. In the opener, they are up 6-2 in the 8th and collapse. Mariano gets hammered. The Sox wore green uniforms in honor of Red Auerbach. I'll not dwell on the rest of it. Just saying, that the Homeys' previous talk of a sweep before the series and their shameful antics in the rowing challenge brought bad juju to the Yankees.

Before leaving Massachusetts, the Trippers compete for the tickets to a two game set in Tampa versus the Devil Rays. They meet at a running track at a local high school, where they compete in a funky sort of marathon. They must complete 9 laps, a distance of 2.25 miles. There is a twist, however. For each lap they must pick up and carry a baseball, so that at the end they must carry all 9 balls with them. They cannot tuck the balls into a shirt or into pockets, they have to be carefully balanced and carried in the hands and arms. If they should drop one, they cannot pick it up -- the runners will forfeit a lap for every dropped ball. As Beadle sounds the horn, they go off. Conan the Librarian breaks into a sprint and opens up a huge lead. Brenda, who struggled with a running challenge in Episode 1 lags far behind the others. Justin and Eddie are about even. Dougy takes no chances and walks the final lap. The edit shows Shelli finishing next, as Muggs and Clubthumper match each other lap for lap. Eddie then quite literally drops the ball and incurs a penalty. This enables Justin to finish next, followed by Indio.

So its the Roadies + Conan The Librarian jetting off to Tampa, as Strawberry Blonde Brenda and Clubthumper take the long ride back to Manhattan. In an amusing segment, Eddie wants to play around with **Gratuitous Product Placement** the Everio digital video camera, but can't quite get the hang of it. Brenda actually has to pull over to show Eddie how to use a simple "point-and-shoot" camera! Back home, they are treated to another Gratuitous Product Placement, namely a pair of blue DreamSeat recliners, tastefully decorated with the interlocking NY logo. Eddie mugs it for the camera as he utters the slogan "DreamSeat recliners soften the blow when you can't make it to the game."

The updated standings are as such: Indio 6, Justin 6, Shelli 8, Brenda 14, Dougy 11, Eddie 10. I like that the YES network is now prominently showing us the tallies, as it was getting a little hard to keep track. I somehow had Brenda at 15 games, but if the YES network says 14, its 14. I have her at the two games for the home opener, one during the series vs the Baltimorons, three at Minnesota, Three in Oakland, three at home versus the Indians, and three at the disastrous Fenway series. Perhaps one of my fellow URT fans can point out the flaw in my reckoning. The Sly Robbie Index (SRI) has Strawberry Blonde Brenda at the most wins with 7 and also at the most losses 7 (possibly 8); The Yankees are a .500 club with the Roadies in attendance, and sadly that is as good as it gets. Clubthumper Eddie still the worst "date," with his bad karma percentage -- the Yankees lose 60% of the time he is in the stands.

What was I drinking?

I found my thrill, on Cherry Hill...

Flying Fish brewery, operating out of Cherry Hill, New Jersey decided to celebrate their 10th birthday in style. A limited run of a very special porter was brewed, this one with the added ingredient of coffee. Imperial Espresso Porter has a deep and dark brown color, and almost looks like a coca-cola. It tastes strongly of roasted malts, and has a very chocolaty flavor.

I liked that this was brewed in the Imperial style, akin to the Baltic style of porters prevalent in Scandinavia, Russia, and the Baltic States. It's 8 % ABV is what Latvians call "Gumijas āmurs," or "The Rubber Mallet." It will give you a good whacking and make you dizzy. Unlike the Baltic Porters, I suspect that this is top-fermented, given the similarities to Ale, and the use of English Ale yeast.

There's no crying in baseball!

The third episode of the new Ultimate Road Trip season finds the Roadies + Strawberry Blonde Brenda at the metrodome in Minnesota, cheering the Yankees on. They lead the "roll call," calling out the names of the Yankees' starting lineup. Before game 2, they get press passes and watch batting practice up close. Bren gets to witness a few A-Bombs from A-Rod over the series, and as a side trip, the gang goes ice skating. Meanwhile, back at the RoadTrip Apartment, Dougy (aka "Conan The Librarian") makes an "Odd Couple" reference as he tries to clean house and comments that while he is busy tidying up, "Eddie is kinda lounging." Soon enough, Clubthumper gets the hint to help, and hilarity ensues. He seems bewildered about modern technology -- namely that a Dishwasher is a machine and not a woman. He has a hard time figuring out how to operate this strange device, like it's a modern gadget right out of Disneyworld's Futureland.

Conan the Librarian and Clubthumper then head for the Border's bookstore at Wall Street to see Cal Ripken Jr. at a book signing. This seems to be spontaneous rather than a "scripted" segment. They wait on line with mere mortals and kindly chat with folks who have seen the show. Ripken is shown at the table, signing autographs and talking to fans. He poses for pictures and shakes hands with Conan and Clubthumper. The duo get a call from Michelle Beadle, inviting them to do Yoga that very afternoon. I felt most cheated at this segment. I had expected to see Michelle in workout clothes, contorting herself into all sorts of flexy positions, bu-u-u-t no-o-o-o. It's just the two palookas and the Yoga instructor, Naz Sarman. Naz is cute, an exotic beauty, but when you are expecting Beadle, nothing else will suffice. Anyway, after the Yoga class, Conan and Clubthumper get a message to rendezvous with the other Road Trippers in Minnesota and then to head to Wisconsin for a "Paul Bunyan"-sized challenge. Dougy understands the reference to the hero of American folklore, but Eddie has no idea of who Paul Bunyan is. Honestly, this guy is as bright as a bag of hammers -- and he used to be a teacher. I bet he probably was/is a Physical Education teacher.

In Wisconsin, the two Road Trippers teams compete in a Lumberjack challenge using **gratuitous product placement** Stihl tools and accessories. Tickets for the series in Oakland and the homestand versus the Indians are up for grabs. Michelle Beadle introduces them to "Lumber-Jill" (a girl who competes in lumberjack sports) named Jenny Atkinson. Clubthumper is entirely too excited in the presence of chainsaws, spouting dialog from "Scarface" in a faux-hispanic dialect. Again, Eddie makes disparaging comments about Strawberry Blonde Brenda -- his own damn teammate! This first challenge is a "jack and jill" sawing competition. One man and woman from each team is to pair up and saw through a log using a two person push-pull type saw. Cali Grrl Shelli and "Estibador" Indio team up for the Roadies, Strawberry Blonde Brenda and Conan the Librarian pair up for the Homeys. The Homeys have some difficulty in practice, and even have the saw skip out of the groove at the beginning of the challenge. They keep their cool and rally to beat the Roadies. Next comes the axe throw, which pits Justin "Muggs" versus Clubthumper Eddie. Clubthumper struggles through the practice round, but soundly defeats his opponent in actual competition. With the Homeys up 2-0, the Roadies only chance is to take 2 of 3 in the log-rolling competition. Why this competition counts more than the others is beyond me, but they head down to the YMCA and step up on padded "logs" in the pool.

Michelle Beadle is a cruel temptress, teasing us with: "I wish I brought my bathing suit!" Michelle, Michelle, Michelle... one does not need a bathing suit to go swimming! Alas, no matter how loudly I yell at my TV, she doesn't hear me. It is a family show, and it is at the "Y," so sadly, there was no skinny dipping. Instead, we get treated to the showdown between Shelli vs. Dougy. CaliGrrl manages to put Conan The Librarian in the drink first, but she falls first in both succeeding roll-offs. Muggs takes on Strawberry Blonde Brenda, but also drops two out of three. There is no need for the third pair to compete -- the Homeys complete the sweep.

Tom Hanks' character in the motion picture "A League of Their Own" famously stated: "There's no crying in baseball!" Upon the Roadies' loss in the challenge, CaliGrrl sits with her head drooped down, and then covers her head with a towel, as though she were drying her hair. Having lost the challenge, she loses an opportunity to travel home to California and visit with her family, who live within driving distance from Oakland. The girl is sobbing, and Bren goes to comfort her. All is not lost, however, as Mighty Michelle announces a Lumberjack "Cutthroat Challenge." The three members of the Roadie team are to position themselves on the log, and the last one left will win the opportunity to travel with the Homeys to California. Here is where it gets interesting. Indio and Justin pull the moral equivalent of a Sacrifice Bunt. With a nod, both of them literally taking a dive. They slip from the log, leaving Shelli to win the trip to the West Coast -- she will get to visit with her family after all! What Muggs and Estibador did certainly cost them some "games," however their sportsmanship and team spirit far outweighs that. Indio has been nicknamed Estibador, Spanish for stevedore. A stevedore is someone who loads and unloads cargo, traditionally carrying heavy weights on their shoulders. When Indio joined the URT cast, he stated that as the sole representative from the Bronx, he carried the borough on his shoulders. Not only has he carried the reputation of his community, Indio has lifted the Bronx up on high, head and shoulders above all. Bravo Estibador! Props to Justin as well, as I'm sure that those who frequent the McManus pub can proudly boast: "That's our boy!"

As the actions of the Roadies give the show a lift, Eddie manages to bring it on down. He is shown commenting about the act of kindness: "Would I do that? No!" Clubthumper makes no bones about it, there is absolutely no way he would ever consider supporting any of his teammates or fellow castmates with such charity. It's like putting up a billboard for friend and foe alike -- if ever there is an opportunity for you to come between Eddie and something that would make him happy, feel free to screw him over! If the situation were reversed, he has no scruples about doing it to you, ally or not.

Now, over to Oakland, we get a twist. Just because the Grrl gets to Cali, there is no guarantee she gets to go to the game. Case in point -- the three Homeys get to watch the Yanks lose to the A's in extra innings. Shelli is reunited with her family, however. Bro and his brood, Grandma, and Shelli's Moms meet the Homeys. Momma is wearing a very nice blue shirt with Yankees' logo and the title "Ultimate Road Trip Mom." A heartwarming moment. Momma wanted to be assured that her daughter was with good people. Momma is a bit too quick to judge, though. She said that they were all nice people. Momma, Momma, Momma... the two nicest guys were sent home to New York! And you hugged Eddie, who if left to his own devices, would have ditched your baby Shelli -- alone weeping in Wisconsin. He would happily go off to the ballgame, and not give her a second thought.

There is a bit of Californa Karma, to come. Shelli has a chance to "steal" a ticket, by winning a challenge at the Jack London Aquatic Center. The local **product placement** Segway dealership has arranged an obstacle course race. Each Tripper has a turn navigating the course on the "standing scooters" while picking up flags along the way. The Segway scooters are very balance and pressure sensitive, so it takes a good deal of coordination to "drive," pick up flags, and hold onto them. This is made more difficult by the rain and slippery grass. Conan the Librarian sets a good base time. Strawberry Blonde Brenda is a bit spastic, but also makes good time. She face-plants into the sod at the end, and can't beat Dougy's time. Eddie tries for the "slow-but-sure" method -- emphasis on the slow. Clubthumper has the slowest time of the day. CaliGrrl is motivated to win, saying she does not want Indio and Justin's sacrifice to be in vain. She takes the course like a woman possessed, winning in handily in short order. She additionally rewarded by a Yankee victory and also getting to spend some quality time with the many members of her family in the stadium. Among the neat features at the Oakland Coliseum is a "kiddie" area adjacent to the seating, where folks can take bored or unruly kids to entertain them away from folks trying to enjoy the game. I'm hoping the designers of the New Yankee Stadium have thought of stuff like this.

The rubber match versus the A's is on Jackie Robinson Day. His uniform # 42 is "unretired" for the day, as many MLB players respectfully asked the commissioner's office if they could honor the baseball pioneer by wearing his number that day. Mariano Rivera, of course, is the last active player to have the number, and Derek Jeter and Joe Torre both sport the number in tribute. Mariano then gets shelled, wasting a great effort by Andy Pettitte. Marco Scutero, on an 0-2 count, touches him for a walk-off homer with two outs in the bottom of the 9th.

As the end credits roll, we see Michelle Beadle boldly going where no one has gone before. She tries in vain to talk sense to Eddie about Paul Bunyan, and his role in American folklore. An explanation of Babe the Blue Ox only elicits an association with Babe Ruth from Clubthumper. In exasperation, Michelle tells him: "It's like something you learn in third grade!" "I wasn't paying attention!" Eddie protests. "Clearly," Miss Beadle comments.

As it stands, at the conclusion of Episode 3, Strawberry Blonde Brenda has been to the most games, a total of 9. CaliGrrl is second with 8. Estibador and Muggs tie with 6, Conan the Librarian with 5 and Eddie brings up the rear with 4. The Sly Robbie Index (SRI) identifies Brenda as the Tripper who brings the Yankees the most losses -- 5. Eddie earns special distinction because of the frequency with which he causes the Yankees to lose by his mere presence at the games -- a walloping 75%. It's probably no fluke that the one game they won in Oakland was the one where Eddie was left alone back at the hotel. By contrast, Shelli is the one you want to go on a date to the stadium with. The Yankees win more often when she is in the stands. Just someone remind her, Shelli, Shelli, Shelli... there is no crying in baseball!

/R

p.s. Major Props to Shelli's family. When they are featured on URT attending a game, the Yankees have never lost!

Isles downed by Sabres

Well, there was not much good this postseason for the Islanders. "Doobie" didn't get the job done in the opener, and though Rick DiPietro did a good job upon his return to the ice, the team fell short. The officiating stunk, but good teams are supposed to get over bad officiating.

The final was a sort of micro-cosm of the Islanders recent woes. It looked as though the team would recover from a 4-1 deficit, and they nearly tied it up when Miroslav Satan had the puck at the Buffalo goal with but 12 seconds left. The Sabres goaltender, Ryan Miller, made a blind stab at the shot and managed to come up with the puck in the very last seconds of the game.

Shortly before the game, the Islanders learned that veteran defenseman Sean Hill was hit with a suspension for testing positive for banned substances. He has the dubious honor of becoming the first NHL player suspended for violating the league's ban on performance-enhancing drugs. A very stupid and foolish thing for him to have done, and also to have gotten caught. This conduct hurt the team. Sean now has the stigma of being a cheater to follow him for the remainder of what otherwise would have been a good career.

I have to give props to the Buffalo Sabres, they are truly a great team. Players like Chris Drury and Tomas Vanek, and Daniel Briere are all hitting their stride, and this team just could go all the way to winning the cup. For the Islanders, there is but the solace in having fallen to the eventual champion, provided Buffalo hangs in there.

The offseason is going to be one of woe for the Isles. It is clear that the big money tied up in Captain Alexei Yashin is a hindrance if they want to try and re-sign Ryan Smyth or Jason Blake, who finally lived up to his potential. It is likely that one or both of these important cogs in the Islander machinery might leave via free agency. One option for GM Garth Snow is to buy out Yashin, or even place him on waivers. I would hate to see that happen, but given the way the system works nowadays, it might be a necessary move. I would really like to see the Islanders retain the services of Ryan Smyth, but like the Yashin contract, it might be too rich for our tastes.

Move-In Day for Trippers

It was move-in day for the Road Trippers. They gathered in their new digs at an undisclosed location in Manhattan. An exterior shot of the building evokes the memory of the classic TV show "The Odd Couple," you can almost hear the 70s jazzy theme and imagine the dry narrator saying "Can six Yankee fans live together without driving each other crazy?"

The apartment seems nice enough, neatly decorated with each cast member's bedroom indicated by a street sign bearing the name of their uniform # "sponsor." This will be Brenda's ("Strawberry") first time away from home. We get some product placement in the form of the big-screen JVC TV. Eddie ("Clubthumper") has wonderful comments about Rochester, calling it "The Boonies." He is also pretty quick to question his own teammates knowledge of things Yankee. Remember when I gave Shelli the nickname of "CaliGrrl?" That's just the way Justin ("Muggs") describes her. When the gang gets settled in, they watch a DVD of Don "Donnie Baseball" Mattingly welcoming them to their new home, and gives them their marching orders for the next day. A pizza party breaks out and a good time was had by all.

The Road Trippers go to the theater of the improv comedy troupe, the Upright Citizen's Brigade. The teams get coached by professionals on the ins and outs of improvisational comedy. They have only hours to prepare for each team to perform a set in front of a live audience. **Here is a bit of trivia, you would not otherwise get by watching the show** -- Did you know that the McManus pub, the very one where "Muggs" just previously poured suds, is but a few blocks away from the UCB? Didja know that many comedians from the UCB hang out at "McM's?" It is a favorite of the likes of former Saturday Night Live castmember Horatio Sanz. It is not clear if Muggs has shared this info with all of his fellow castmembers. If not, that's OK. This is a competition after all.

The performances:
First up is the Roadies. Indio ("Estebador") works the crowd very well. As a working "topic" for them to perform 10 minute's of material, they are given "National Biscuit." It is fairly off-the-wall, but they roll with it. CaliGrrrl is a burst of energy, leading a cheer. She makes a spelling mistake which draws a big laugh, and that was a great ice-breaker. While we do not see the whole performance, the show's edit indicates they kept up a good level of energy, and had great pace and timing throughout their performance. Estebador performs physical feats, acting like a dog and rolling around. I had a slight problem here. I felt it was disrespecting to the Yankee uniform to roll around the floor on it. If the boss, George Steinbrenner, had been tuning in at that moment, I don't think he would appreciate seeing a Yankee uniform being treated in such a way. I don't blame Indio, as I'm sure that the Roadies were required to wear their uniform for this challenge. Checking the credits is a bit time consuming, and trying to lay the blame on the host Michelle Beadle ... well, that's just crazy talk.

Quite literally, the Homeys had a tough act to follow. For starters they drew the working topic of "Dave Roberts." Strawberry Blonde Brenda doesn't know who he is, and Dougy ("Conan The Librarian") does a gentlemanly thing and asks the judge (a Red Sox fan, in uniform) to explain the reference. Although their UCB "coach" taught them that this was the right thing to do, this cost them some "points." Dave Roberts was a journeyman infielder who pinch-ran for the Sawx when they made the great comeback against the Yankees. He stole a base that started a "small-ball" rally. In Red Sawx Nation mythology, that was a very big moment, along the lines of Aaron Boone's homer in the 11th inning of the ALCS in 2003. It's sad that their key moment is a stolen base, and that we have all these great home runs to speak of. To us, the Dave Roberts steal is about as trivial as say, making a Sawx fan recall Mickey Rivers' bat. What, you don't know what Mickey Rivers' bat did?! Late in the division Championship Game 1978 with the Yankees down 2-0, on-deck hitter Mickey Rivers heard the batter's bat break. He called his teammate over and lent him his own bat. On the next pitch, the batsman Bucky Dent lined a hanging curve ball over Fenway Park's "Green Monster" outfield fence to put the Yankees up for good.

Thus disadvantaged with an obscure topic, the Homies tried their best. It did not seem funny at all, at least according to the YES network edit. The result: The Roadies not only score tickets for the next 3 home games versus the Baltimore Orioles, but the tickets for the first road series in Minnesota.

While the Roadies enjoy the game, the Homeys get a special delivery from the Bagel deliveryman. Strawberry Blonde answers the door in a tight t-shirt, which sort of distracts from what happens next. Michelle Beadle shows up, and throws the Homies a "curve." There will be a Lotto-style challenge, and one of the three Homies will be able to go see the next 5 games. Each Homie goes in turn, as Michelle draws a ping pong ball with a year and number printed on them. They must correctly guess the name of the player who wore the uniform. Right off the bat, Clubtumper blows his first test "2003 #18," (Jeff Weaver.) Strawberry Blonde gets an easy one "2003 #33," (David Wells.) Conan The Librarian is solid with his answers. Clubthumper does a bit of whining, and Strawberry Blonde is shown either getting easy ones or having her wild guesses be correct. Clubthumper is the first to be eliminated, and is not a good sport about it. With Conan The Librarian on the hot seat, Strawberry Blonde draws Joe D.'s "1948 #5" while Dougy doesn't get the wonderfully obscure "Doc" Medich (#33 from 1975.)

Tubthumper lashes out at the poor girl: "You got Monument Park numbers, how can you loose..." That's No Class, Eddie. I advise you to drop uniform #21, you do not wear it well. Paul O'Neill was passionate about the game, but would only get in a rage over his own performance. If Tino Martinez got good pitches to hit and then drilled them, Paulie would no doubt be one of the first to congratulate his fellow teammate. He only got upset and took it out on inanimate objects if he did something to let his team down. It looks like Clubthumper has some lessons to learn about teamwork.

The Roadies are out in the cold watching the game, and on split-screen we see the Homey's lounging in front of the (product placement) JVC big screen TV. A-Rod launches an A-Bomb! Alex "The Third Baseman" Rodriguez hits a walk-off grand slam, a bona-fide bases loaded homerun in the bottom of the ninth inning to win the game by a score of 8-6. The split-screen of both groups experiencing the game was quite delightful. The Homies rub it in to Brenda, who wears #13, A-Rod's number, by boasting that they were there to the bitter end and saw it live.

The following day, The Homies prepare to go to the next game. Strawberry Blonde surprises them by telling them that she has won the Curveball, and will be joining them. Estebador is quick to realize that this means there is a four way tie for which Road Tripper has gone to the most games. As it stands, Estebador, CaliGrrrl, Muggs, and Strawberry Blonde will all be tied at six, pending the outcome of the road series at Minnesota.

As the Ultimate Road Trip (URT) Index will count which Road Tripper goes to the most games, the Sly Robbie Index (SRI) will keep track of which Road Tripper helps or harms the Yankees the most. This is to celebrate the great dichotomy of the rhyme and reason of baseball in New York. As soon as George Steinbrenner purchased the team way back when, he had a quote placed prominently in the Yankee clubhouse. It was by General Douglas MacArthur: "There is no substitute for victory." This quote has inspired many Yankees championship teams. Back in 1951 the Brooklyn Dodgers, noting that the great General frequented the Polo Grounds to watch the Giants, invited him to come to Ebbet's Field. The General came to a total of 13 Dodger home games, and the Dodgers lost every single one of them. The Dodgers also lost the pennant by exactly 13 games. Coinkydink? I don't think so. One of these Road Trippers is going to be a Good Luck Charm for the Yankees. Another will be the proverbial Albatross. So, as the YES network calculates who attends the most games, and the Road Trippers divvy up the material prizes, Sly Robbie will be watching to see who blesses, and who curses the team with their very presence. As of the conclusion of Episode 2, all of them have been presence for one victory, and four of them have brought the Yankees two losses. In the coming weeks, the SRI will seperate the Wheat from the Chaff.